Monday, October 19, 2009

Bitter-Sweet Week.

It's been 2 whole years!! Elder Kyle Nielsen is coming home on the 21st of October. He is serving in the Detroit, Michigan Mission and has completed his 2 years in the mission field. His Mother, Julie, is a very near and dear friend of mine. She is my neighbor and her children feel so much like a part of mine. I am so excited to see Kyle, it's almost like a part of my own family is coming home. I am so proud of Kyle. He has always been such a wonderful person, full of kindness and love. Not to mention his great sense of humor and his dedication.
Kyle means so much to me in so many ways, but he is the one who was such a great influence on not just all of our family, but especially Marcus. He is the one who befriended Marcus when we first moved here, he went out of his way to make sure Marcus felt at home, but the thing that really brought them together was the Baritone! Marcus had already been playing it for a few years and when Kyle heard that, he invited Marcus over to play with him. Next thing I know, Marcus is all about MARCHING BAND! OH and can't forget the nights and nights of basketball in our backyard, with all the neighborhood boys.
One time in particular... Kyle, Kevin R. and Marcus were shooting some hoops in the back yard. We had a huge bush right off the court (well, it was really taking up a lot of the corner). Marcus tended to get pretty physical when he played. Anyway, so Marcus (5'4 at the time) decided to shove Kyle (6'7") into the bush... when he did, Marcus took off running as fast as he could all the way down the street, knowing that Kyle couldn't catch him. So Kyle took a break sitting by the door to the house, saying... He has to come home sometime. Sure enough, when he did, Kyle got him and gave him pleanty of pink-bellies. It did my heart good to see Marcus have a good friend, which he hadn't ever really had before. Kyle was like a big brother to Marcus.
It was strange, when Kyle left on his mission, Marcus locked himself in his room and wouldn't go tell Kyle goodbye. It was just too hard on him. In all the years we have moved around, I have never seen him act like that. Marcus had just finished his last treatment and was doing really well, but I think deep down Marcus knew they would never see each other again and that it was just too painful.
When we ended treatments, Kyle sent a tape to Marcus. I was so glad that he did that and I wish Marcus could have done the same. He just couldn't do it. The tape was such a beautiful thing to do and it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. It made Marcus laugh and smile. We played it for him again a few times while he was in a coma before he died.
This upcoming week will be Marcus' one year anniversay, so it will be such a bitter sweet one. I know that one day I will have my reunion with Marcus, it's just a longer mission he is on.


Friday, October 02, 2009

October 2

October 2, 2006 is the day that we found Marcus' brain tumor. Hard to believe that it has been 3 years since we heard those words... You have a tumor in your brain... I remember being light headed, looking at this face of his, and knowing that this would be what took him from me.
I always knew I would lose a child, ever since he was born, actually before he was born, I knew I would have to give one of my children back. I never expected it to be him, but when I heard the doctor say those words, I said to myself.... "Its YOU!" It was so surreal.... like I was 1/2 in my body and 1/2 in a different place. I felt an overwhelming sense of being lost, like someone had to guide me through it.
The worst part was coming home, telling the boys... especially Aaron, then having to LEAVE them. I ached for them to be with us, to hold each of them in my arms. I knew Aaron would be wide awake, struggling with what just had hit him and no where to turn to. To this day, it breaks my heart knowing I had to leave him alone to deal with all of this.
This picture of Marcus was taken 2 weeks before his diagnosis. I look at this picture and see such a little boy in his eyes. I see such a healthy young boy who seems so innocent to life and has no idea what is about to happen.
Aaron and I went out to the cemetary today (Aaron doesn't like to go out there very often)When he goes, it seems like he talks more and more about Marcus. We talked about that day, 3 years ago and what it was like for each of us. Aaron joked about how much fun it would be to run through the cemetery on Halloween at midnight with his friends. He said... "I can just see Marcus sitting on his headstone waiting to scare us all to death and laughing his head off"... I had to giggle cause I could see him doing that. Aaron said when he told his friends that, a couple of girls were saying... "thats not very funny, Aaron"... like he was being disrespectful. But then Aaron said... "like you can't see him doing that". They all began to laugh and say, yeah.. you are right. I love the fact that he is thinking about Marcus and talking about him. A lot of Aaron's friends were friends with Marcus first, so he feels comfortable around them.
Today was just another "anniversary" in October. So many others follow that are so difficult to think about. I am just glad we don't have to go through it again, even though I would love to have a "Marcus hug" about right now. It is difficult with today's date... knowing what 3 yrs ago brought, but even harder thinking about a year ago... it just hurts... I HATE OCTOBER!!!