Saturday, November 27, 2010

Thanksgiving Day, Part II

After posting my thoughts and deep feelings about this Thanksgiving, I took my family and went over to my dear friend, Julie's, for a scrumptious dinner with all the works.  I got to visit with her family, that is almost like my own now.  Moving downstairs, the video game "Just Dance" became the big hit of the day.  What a blast!!  The object was to move to the music the way the figure on the screen was doing, using the wii remote.
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I had forgotten what it was like to get up and dance like that, I truly enjoyed doing what I could.  Of course after only 2 LONG dances, ones that I ended up victorious against my boys and "the ladies" in the house, I collapsed.  I am thinking this would be a great gift for Santa to bring our family.  Not only did the boys enjoy it, I LOVED it.  As my councilor advised me to do, I will try something new.  Of course today I am FEELING it all over!!  My knees are swollen and I ache all over... but we had a great time together as a family and that is something I know we need more of. 

After my body had had enough of that, I went over to see my "Other Mother and Sister" Nila and Jenni Partington.  As I got into my van and started out my driveway, it all hit.  The tears, the pain and the sobs began.  Before I knew it, I was at the cemetary, in the dark, the temperature about 5 degrees, in almost a foot of snow, on my hands and knees digging the snow off of his headstone.  I found the batman figure and plane burried deep, when I did, I grabbed them and cleaned them off.  Still sobbing, I pulled them into my chest.  I continued to wipe the snow off of the flowers, off of his windchimes.  The pain kept coming and so did the tears and the sobs.  I think I was only there about 10 minutes before my sanity started to kick back in.  Wiping the snow, the tears and smeared makeup off my face, I tried to decide where I was going to go.  If I went home, I would be alone, (boys were still at Julie's) so I tried to put myself together and continued to drive over to Nila's.  I knew if anyone, she and Jenni could cheer me up. 

The one thing they can do is laugh.  Just after a few minutes all 3 of us were laughing and giggling.  I am so blessed to have so many friends and family close by.  They give me strength, love and courage to get up and go on with life.  To enjoy the moments I have now.   

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thanksgiving 2010

This has been a memorable Thanksgiving so far. We had a blizzard 2 days ago that left us in the brutal cold. Temperatures last night were –15 degrees and 15 degrees for a high today. 

We also have had a visitor in our home.  My dear best friend, Julie, has some amazing children;  Kyle, Chelsea, Chandra and Bailey.  Since we moved here over 6 years ago,  our family and her family have become close.  We consider them part of the family.  Well, Chandra… who just graduated from high school and went off to Snow College this fall, got engaged!  The wedding is set for December 28th, 2010!  I am excited for her.  I was a little worried at first, because of her age, but now that I have gotten to know Taylor a little better, I am very happy for her.  Taylor is staying at our house while they are here since they have a rule that no-one’s unmarried significant other can sleep at their house.  I am thrilled for them both, and feel like they will do well. 
Having these distractions have been good for me.  I have had my moments of feeling sorry for myself.  Yesterday I even told my co-worker this.. “I just don’t like the Holiday’s anymore”!!  Wow!  This time of the year has always been my favorite since I can remember.  Now it seems like the pain just comes and I just absorb it all. 
This morning I was going through some blogs of some friends of mine.  I have some friends who have gone through similar life experiences as myself, one of them is Tammy.  Her son Nick, passed away from a brain tumor just about a month after I lost Marcus.  She also lost a daughter to SIDS years before.  I am sure the Lord has given us each other to learn and help each other.  Well, at least He has given her to me to help me on these days when I miss Marcus with so much pain. Today on her blog, My Heart his Words , she mentioned all that she was thankful for and reminded me that I have a choice.  I have a choice to sit and feel the pain of my loss, or pick myself up and enjoy the day filled with family and friends.  I have a choice to bring the spirit of joy and happiness or one of sorrow and pain.  Of course I will think of my Marcus and feel his spirit close on this holiday.  So I am going to choose to find happiness this Thanksgiving and Thank my Heavenly Father for giving me my precious family.  For giving me wonderful friends who have loved and helped me through the hardest times of my life.  I am also so thankful for His redeeming Sacrifice so that we will all be together again some day.