Saturday, March 10, 2012

We lived with God.

We lived with God, He knew me before we came to earth and knows me now.  He knows my pain, heartache, joys and successes.  I feel His love, and have felt His Holy presence on the hardest day of my life.  I know He has plans for me and my family. When I look at these photos of the grand Universe, I know those plans are larger than the stars, planets and galaxies, more than my mortal mind can imagine. 

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

My new hobby!

"When a door is shut, the Lord always opens a window."  Ok, so I don't know the exact quote, nor who said it, but this has been going through my mind a lot lately.  I have been blessed in many different ways since the passing of  my son, Marcus.  When everything seemed to be at the worst, and despair was creeping in, I was given something I had never had before.

My whole life before that moment, I never had the patience nor the desire to pick up a book and read, much less finish it and enjoy it.  Ask any of my school teachers, especially Mrs. Nielsen,(my English teacher throughout High School) they will verify I was never interested, nor did I have the focus necessary to read anything longer than a paragraph.

Who would think that something as simple as a book would change my life?  I have to admit it was "Twilight by Stephanie Meyer" that first took me away from the deep abyss that I teetered on the edge of, daily.   I was able to escape from the reality of what I faced, it kept me sane enough to take care of my son, help him get through his last days of life. Now, I can't wait for a new book just as soon as I finish another.  It's like I can't get enough words, stories, fantasies and new worlds.

This new obsession of mine turned into another one.  I began to find others who loved the same books I did, and many of them would constantly ask me what they should read next.  It finally dawned on my that I could start a new blog, where I could post my favorite books and write my review so that others I knew could just check there when they wanted to know what I was reading.  One thing leading to the next, I found other bloggers who had fun book review blogs with the same type of books.  It has been a lot of fun expanding my knowledge of books, but also of the world of blogging.

Now, I am happy to announce that I have just received my first "Review Request" from an Indie Author.  What that means is, an author (Indie meaning "self-published") requested that I review his book on my blog!  This is a huge new step for me and I can't help but hope this turns into something bigger.  I could be reading books that I love for free and reviewing them for others.  This really can't be accidental.  Doing something like this hasn't been a goal or a dream of mine, but it has just sort of happened, but now I can set some goals and make it something bigger.

Your part: So, I am asking a huge favor!  If you could go to my book blog at and "follow" it by signing up in the GFC.. Google Friends Connect or by Networked Blogs, it would really help!  The more followers I have, the more likely I will get more and more Review Requests.  Please help me reach new goals!!  THANKS!

Monday, January 30, 2012

As time goes by....

What A Grieving Mother Really Feels ....

Hello old friend,
Oh yes you know
I lost my child a while ago.
... No, no please Don’t look away
And change the subject
It’s okay
You see at first I couldn’t feel,
It took so long, but now it’s real.
I hurt so much inside you see
I need to talk,
Come sit with me?
You see,
I was numb for so very long,
And people said,
“My, she is so strong.”
They did not know I couldn’t feel,
My broken heart made it all unreal.
But then one day, as I awoke
I clutched my chest,
began to choke,
Such a scream,
such a wail,
Broke from me..
My child!
My child!
The horror of reality.
But everyone has moved on,
you see, everyone except for me.
Now, when I need friends most of all,
Between us there now stands a wall.
My pain is more than they can bear,
When I mention my child,
I see their blank stare.
“But I thought you were over it,
”Their eyes seem to say- -No, no,
I can’t listen to this, not today.
So I smile and pretend, and say,
“Oh, I’m okay”.
But inside I am crying,
as I turn away.
And so my old friend,
I shall paint on a smile,
As I have from the start,
You never knowing all the while,
All I’ve just said to you in my heart. ♥

Sunday, January 01, 2012

New Year.

 I thought 2011 would be the year my heart would mend, I would be able to go on again.  I would be able to go back where I was before my heart broke, before the battle ever began.  Now I see the battle scars are too deep to just jump up back on my feet.
I have a new heart now with stitches and scars, trying to beat in spite of the damage.  A worn and torn warrior is what I am now, I have to accept that, no matter what.  I will never be completely whole, the way I was before the war.  That was never the plan, to return home without a change, for that is the purpose of this life here on earth.  It takes a lifetime of work to become someone better, the only way forward is to push on with might. Plow right through the thicket of thorned bushes and trees, there is no way around it.  The wounds and the cuts will eventually heal, along with our spirit which will shine bigger and brighter, with  confidence and faith that God is our Master, He knows what is best. 
This new year, a new chapter will be formed.  It is I who decides what will be written within.  As long as I have faith in my Savior, these scars, wounds, cuts, bruises and sores will eventually completely heal.  For He is the reason this life will be worth it, without Him, all hope would be gone. 
So today I realize that I am new, different in so many ways that will never be who I was.  I begin with a new point of view.... I need to Love who I am now, accept these changes and move forward, instead of whishing I was different.  When I can look in the mirror and love what is there, with all the battle scars, flaws, and bruises, I will find the happiness I need to move on. 
2012 is my year to love myself. 
"And if you keep my commandments and endure to the end you shall have eternal life, which gift is the greatest of all the gifts of God." - Doctrine and Covenants 14:7
My motto for 2012:  "Enduring to the end is more that just surviving, it is enjoying and loving where you are in the journey."