Friday, March 25, 2011

Joys in life.

Despite the fact that it is 39.9 degrees outside, snowing heavily, and it is March 25th today, I am feeling rather good!  Snuggling up on my bed with my favorite quilt, my cat asleep at my feet, and my laptop in hand, I feel GREAT!

Reconnecting with one of my most dearest friends last weekend seemed to heal a place in my heart, let some sunshine in, and brighten my path.

Watching the NCAA basketball tournament with my boys has been a highlight right now since our team, the University of Arizona, is doing so great.  Sometimes I think someone is going to crash through our floor to the basement with the way we are all cheering!

A new hair color and style has given me a whole new sense of being.  Jenni, my cousin, used her magic on me.  A fresh new look gives me a boost of energy, confidence, and overall joy.  I know it's just my hair, but for me, it really helps. 

My conversation with Jackson on the way home from school today made me laugh out loud.
Me: "Jackson, when you think of others before yourself, you feel good inside.  When you continue to do this, others will be more considerate of you" 
Jackson: " It will also get girls to be more attracted to you!" 

Watching as my son continues to grow up and learn more about becoming a man;  his drivers licence, his first interview, his first job, preparing for a mission and for college. 

Noah getting ready to turn 12 and receive the Priesthood next month.  Watching how he is really growing, physically (FINALY) and emotionally.  He will be attending his first week-long scout camp!  How did he get here already?

John and I sharing our new way of life brings me the most joy.  Changing the way we live is hard for both of us, but doing it together is bringing us together, reconnecting in a way we haven't in a very long time.  It's like we are getting to know each other again, finding new strengths, and pulling together to achieve one goal. 

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

The Beauty of Friends.

The Lord leads us to the people we need in our lives when we need them most. Over the 40-something years I have been on this earth, I have been given some of the best friends. As life goes on and changes take place, we move forward.  We have grown from the bond, the love, laughter, joy, sorrow, and experiences from the path that we shared.  When our paths part for one reason or another, we carry each other in our hearts and this union we have created still exists. 
Arriving on our new path, we join others who share this new journey and we form new bonds, new faces of love, laughter, joy, sorrow, growing from each other.
Every once in a while we find someone who knows us better than we know ourselves, someone who has been with us through the hardest times in our lives, someone whose strength, beauty, and love seem to come from somewhere else.  My beliefs are, just as a family is forever, so are these friends.  That time, distance, trials, and bumps in the road will never sever the spiritual bond that exists.  I am so blessed to have at least 2 in my life.  My heart is full today for those women who love so unconditionally, and give me strength.  The Lord blesses me in so many ways.

Thursday, March 17, 2011


Coming out of a coma only to realize that I don't recognize myself, both physically and definitely not mentally.  Sure I have looked in the mirror everyday for my entire life, but the last few years have been with blinders on.  Slowly, little by little, I have had little clues that things just aren't OK.  My first big hint was when I saw someone who has known me since I was born.  I haven't seen her in years, but she would know me instantly.  When I went up to hug her, she had no idea who I was.  Even after I told her, she was trying to put it all together. 
I have seen pictures of myself, knew that I was gaining weight, but I was so involved with Grief that I just did NOT CARE!  For years I have not cared what I looked like, not cared if I was healthy or not, NOT CARED whether or not if what I was doing would eventually shorten my life.
One day, the lights came on! A new set of eyes opened and I saw myself.  REALLY saw what I had become.  THIS is not the person I planned on becoming.  THIS is not the place I planned on being.  I was in a HOLE. 
More importantly, I looked toward my Heavenly Father and felt sorrow.  Where is the woman I was working toward?  When I was a little girl, THIS is not who imagined, who I dreamed I would be. What have I done and how do I change it?
With support of a loving husband, I am attacking from every angle I know how.  We are working together to find ourselves again.  To find out what we are made of.. 

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Families Can Be Together Forever

I learned this song as a child many years ago and has been a favorite. Now this message is what I hold on to daily. It has become a focus in my life. The Lord wants us to be happy in this life, as well as the next. This is why He has promised us eternal life with those we love the most, our families. It is not an automatic given, this Promise he made, there are certain requirements to this. We have to work for it. We have to live as He would have us live. Loving, sharing, caring, serving, living as our Savior did.

I have been in some dark places as of late and I know that light and darkness cannot reside in the same place. I have had many messages given to me stating I need to let the light in and turn toward the future, to the day when I will have all my boys with me again. That means I have a lot of work to do to get there. I have boys to raise, to make sure they will be with me as well, and an amazing husband to take me through it all.
Doctrine and Covenants 14:7 "And if you keep my commnadments and endure to the end you shall have eternal life, which gift is the greatest of all the gifts of God."