Marching Band 2009.

The 2009 Marching Band season is now over with. This is the 5th year and the second child to be involved with the Mountain Crest High School Marching Band. "Ivasion" was the theme this year which was music taken from the movie 300. The story of the show is a war between the brass and the woodwinds, which made it very interesting because the brass start out on one side of the field and the woodwinds on the other.
The Band earned 2nd and 3rd places this year, beating a band that had 100 more kids than their band. They went to Bands of America Regional competition in St. George Utah and came in 3rd in their division, 1st in state in their division, and made finals!!! In the finals they came in 6th place overall.. out of 21 bands!!

Aaron played the baritone this year and seems to be really good at it. Who knew? He decided to stick with it for concert band as well. I am excited to see how he does with the concert baritone. There aren't too many of them, since all the trombone players play the baritone in Marching band. I think there will only be 3 baritones. I think he is excited to play Marcus' baritone. My dad fixed it while he was here so the keys didn't stick anymore. I heard Aaron practicing it the other day and had to re-evaluate in my mind who it was.

Aaron has been doing so well in school and band. He seems to have grown up a lot and now has some goals for the future. He is studying chemistry and loves it, not to mention his geometry has been pretty easy for him so far. He took on taking German, and he is really struggling with it. Of course I tried to convince him to take spanish where I could probably help him, but he had to be different and take German. (where are the Schills when we need them?.. haha)

I am very proud of Aaron and the person he is becoming. I think I was right when I was saying... "come on 15" less than a year ago. Both Aaron and Marcus seemed to really find out who they were when they turned 15. Of course all the problems don't go away, but they seem to snap out of the "what the heck is going on with me?" stage that they had been in since like 12. Of course Noah will be turning 11 soon, so I am sure it will start all over again with him.

Learning to appreciate each child's personality is quite a journey. They change in so many ways as they grow up, but there are so many characteristics that are there when they are born, that just become stronger. I remember seeing each one of my children's faces for the first time and a wave of recognition came over me. I immediately knew their personalities, and could feel the potential of their spirit. What a blessing it is to be a mother. I just don't know how anyone could not believe that their is a God after experiencing birth, or looking into your own child's eyes and seeing so much faith, knowledge and immediate recognition of them from our pre-existence.

For those who have not experienced it yet, or may not be able to in this life, I know that one day your heart will experience children with so much joy that will surpass the extent of the pain in your heart today. My heart goes out to you, and pray that you may have comfort and faith.

Not sure where all that came from, but it came out so I must have needed to say it.

October 26, 2009

This is what we woke up to the morning of October 26th. It was a beautiful sight to open the door and see that we had been "heart-attacked" by someone who wanted to remain anonymous.. Whoever you are, we really love and appreciate you very much. It is so nice to know that people are still thinking of us.

Yes, October 26th 2009, was the one year "Anniversary" of Marcus' death. We didn't plan a whole lot that day. John took the day off, I ended up picking Aaron up from school cause he didn't feel well.

John and I went to breakfast and did some window shopping together. We had some nice time alone together.

That evening our family, Katie, Emma, Ellie, Julie, Gary and Kyle came with us out to the cemetery. We each wrote a note to Marcus and tied it to our balloon. All at one time we released the balloons.

In the last year, I feel like I am having more and more happy times. I feel more at peace, but yet there are those days where nothing can take away the pain, I spend the day in my jammies and not able to really function..... BUT those are getting to be fewer.

Jackson and Noah were wrestling around out on the open area when Aaron joined in on them. Kyle thought that was an unfair fight, so he grabbed Aaron and took him down. They had some fun doing what we call "male bonding" in our house. It seems to be the thing to do when we go out to the cemetery. Of course when Marcus was around, he was usually theinstigator of it all.

I am so glad that my boys are comfortable going there and able to feel at peace.

Here is the weathervane we got for Marcus. Every pilot needs a weathervane!!

Bitter-Sweet Week.

It's been 2 whole years!! Elder Kyle Nielsen is coming home on the 21st of October. He is serving in the Detroit, Michigan Mission and has completed his 2 years in the mission field. His Mother, Julie, is a very near and dear friend of mine. She is my neighbor and her children feel so much like a part of mine. I am so excited to see Kyle, it's almost like a part of my own family is coming home. I am so proud of Kyle. He has always been such a wonderful person, full of kindness and love. Not to mention his great sense of humor and his dedication.
Kyle means so much to me in so many ways, but he is the one who was such a great influence on not just all of our family, but especially Marcus. He is the one who befriended Marcus when we first moved here, he went out of his way to make sure Marcus felt at home, but the thing that really brought them together was the Baritone! Marcus had already been playing it for a few years and when Kyle heard that, he invited Marcus over to play with him. Next thing I know, Marcus is all about MARCHING BAND! OH and can't forget the nights and nights of basketball in our backyard, with all the neighborhood boys.
One time in particular... Kyle, Kevin R. and Marcus were shooting some hoops in the back yard. We had a huge bush right off the court (well, it was really taking up a lot of the corner). Marcus tended to get pretty physical when he played. Anyway, so Marcus (5'4 at the time) decided to shove Kyle (6'7") into the bush... when he did, Marcus took off running as fast as he could all the way down the street, knowing that Kyle couldn't catch him. So Kyle took a break sitting by the door to the house, saying... He has to come home sometime. Sure enough, when he did, Kyle got him and gave him pleanty of pink-bellies. It did my heart good to see Marcus have a good friend, which he hadn't ever really had before. Kyle was like a big brother to Marcus.
It was strange, when Kyle left on his mission, Marcus locked himself in his room and wouldn't go tell Kyle goodbye. It was just too hard on him. In all the years we have moved around, I have never seen him act like that. Marcus had just finished his last treatment and was doing really well, but I think deep down Marcus knew they would never see each other again and that it was just too painful.
When we ended treatments, Kyle sent a tape to Marcus. I was so glad that he did that and I wish Marcus could have done the same. He just couldn't do it. The tape was such a beautiful thing to do and it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. It made Marcus laugh and smile. We played it for him again a few times while he was in a coma before he died.
This upcoming week will be Marcus' one year anniversay, so it will be such a bitter sweet one. I know that one day I will have my reunion with Marcus, it's just a longer mission he is on.

WELCOME HOME ELDER NIELSEN!!!

October 2

October 2, 2006 is the day that we found Marcus' brain tumor. Hard to believe that it has been 3 years since we heard those words... You have a tumor in your brain... I remember being light headed, looking at this face of his, and knowing that this would be what took him from me.

I always knew I would lose a child, ever since he was born, actually before he was born, I knew I would have to give one of my children back. I never expected it to be him, but when I heard the doctor say those words, I said to myself.... "Its YOU!" It was so surreal.... like I was 1/2 in my body and 1/2 in a different place. I felt an overwhelming sense of being lost, like someone had to guide me through it.

The worst part was coming home, telling the boys... especially Aaron, then having to LEAVE them. I ached for them to be with us, to hold each of them in my arms. I knew Aaron would be wide awake, struggling with what just had hit him and no where to turn to. To this day, it breaks my heart knowing I had to leave him alone to deal with all of this.

This picture of Marcus was taken 2 weeks before his diagnosis. I look at this picture and see such a little boy in his eyes. I see such a healthy young boy who seems so innocent to life and has no idea what is about to happen.

Aaron and I went out to the cemetary today (Aaron doesn't like to go out there very often)When he goes, it seems like he talks more and more about Marcus. We talked about that day, 3 years ago and what it was like for each of us. Aaron joked about how much fun it would be to run through the cemetery on Halloween at midnight with his friends. He said... "I can just see Marcus sitting on his headstone waiting to scare us all to death and laughing his head off"... I had to giggle cause I could see him doing that. Aaron said when he told his friends that, a couple of girls were saying... "thats not very funny, Aaron"... like he was being disrespectful. But then Aaron said... "like you can't see him doing that". They all began to laugh and say, yeah.. you are right. I love the fact that he is thinking about Marcus and talking about him. A lot of Aaron's friends were friends with Marcus first, so he feels comfortable around them.

Today was just another "anniversary" in October. So many others follow that are so difficult to think about. I am just glad we don't have to go through it again, even though I would love to have a "Marcus hug" about right now. It is difficult with today's date... knowing what 3 yrs ago brought, but even harder thinking about a year ago... it just hurts... I HATE OCTOBER!!!

I miss my Sisters!!

Sisters

November, 2007

Alice, Karen and Nancy

I was just thinking that it has been almost 2 whole years since I have seen Nancy, my sister! She and her family weren't able to come to Marcus' funeral because of Jessica being in pretty poor conditions at the time.

So we are planning a trip to Tucson, Az. in November to visit everyone down south. My brother Stuart, both of my sisters, John's brother and his Mother live in Arizona. I am really looking forward to this trip. It seems like forever since we went on a family trip, even just leaving the valley!

Consider the Lilies

I know this is an Easter song, but Sunday I heard it on the radio and a stream of memories came back to me. I never really paid attention to the words to this song until the other day.

The weird thing is, that a few years ago, Marcus and I were in the Ward (church) chior. This was one song we were going to sing. We hadn't had a chance to really practice it, so we took the music home to go over it. Marcus was eager to practice it with me, even though he could pick it out on the piano himself. So I have the wonderful memories of him and I sitting by our tiny little keyboard, singing this beautiful song, not really understanding how powerful the words were. Like the Lord was telling US that he was with us, that we need to have faith, and he will take care of us both. Now I will always cherish this song...

Consider the lilies of the field,
How they grow! How they grow!
Consider the birds of the sky,
How they fly! How they fly!

He clothes the lilies of the field,
He feeds the birds in the sky,
And He will feed those who trust Him,
And guide them with His eye.

Consider the sheep of His fold,
How they follow where He leads,
Though the path may wind across the mountains
He knows the meadows where they feed.

He clothes the lilies of the field,
He feeds the birds in the sky,
And He will feed those who trust Him,
And guide them with His eye.

Consider the sweet, tender children
Who must suffer on this Earth,
The pains of all of them, He carried
From the day of His birth.

He clothes the lilies of the field,
He feeds the lambs of His fold,
And He will heal those who trust Him,
And make their hearts as gold.

He clothes the lilies of the field,
He feeds the lambs of His fold,
And He will heal those who trust Him,
And make their hearts as gold.

LDS Church Leaders preparing us for the 2nd Coming of Christ

I know that this is true. We are being tried and tested to strengthen us so that we can fight off evil, to prepare the day of the Lord's Second Coming.

Another Testament of Christ Slideshow

Amazing, beautiful, peaceful, and of course full of hope for all of us.

My Eternal Family

One year ago, we took our last family pictures. I love going back and looking at all the beautiful faces of my children, knowing that we will be back together like this someday. These pictures are taken in front of the Logan, LDS Temple. We believe that if we are married or sealed together there, that we will be together in the next life to come, FOREVER. That's what makes these pictures even more special. It is a constant reminder in our home as we look at our family, we see the Temple. What a blessing of peace.

Fall is coming whether or not I like it. I have been trying to come to peace with the changing of the seasons. I even went out looking for something decrative to put up to celebrate the changes, but it still just brings back all the tension and feelings I had a year ago as I had to prepare myself, my children and especially Marcus, for what was to come.

Now, John is a home teacher to an older couple in our ward, and she was just diagnosed with cancer and sent home on hospice. They only give her about a month, so of course, it breaks my heart. I hope and pray that they can have the peace from God that we felt back then. Life is unpredictable, and you never know when or what the Lord has planned for us.