Thursday, June 11, 2009

Remembering a beautiful day.

Among all these days that have brought on so many emotions.... the band banquet, Graduation, and Marcus' Birthday this Sunday... here lies the date of June 11th. On this day back in 1992, Marcus was approaching his first birthday, John and I had been preparing for a while to go to the Temple so that the 3 of us could be sealed and this was the date we chose. In our faith, we believe that being married or sealed together in the Temple by those holding the proper Priesthood, that we will be together not just here on earth, but for all time and eternity. This day means so much more to me today than it ever did.
I remember kneeling at the altar looking at my sweet John, both of us dressed in white and the mirrors behind him that reflected on like forever. The words "for all time and eternity" sent a warmth through my body and spirit that I can't explain. It was so beautiful to hear the words that we would finally be together FOREVER. I didn't think it could get any better, until they brought in little Marcus, dressed in a beautiful white outfit and sleeping as though he were in heaven. My Mom took him in her arms and knelt by us. As they put his little hand on mine and John's, I felt the burning in my chest and a joy that I cannot describe. I can honestly say that I have never felt that kind of love, peace and joy in my entire life than at that moment. I know that Angels were there and that God was promising me that no matter what happened to any of us, we would be together... forever. I knew it in my heart and in the deepest part of my Soul. That day lives on in my heart, and is even stronger today. What a promise! I know without a doubt that we will live together in the next life... forever and ever. John will be my husband forever and if I chose to live worthily, Marcus will be mine forever as will Aaron, Noah Jackson and my little one I lost in between.

Sunday, June 07, 2009


All I can say is that I am continued to be amazed at the kids that live here. I should have known better than to only expect the Principal to call John and I up right before they announce the other kids diploma and that would be it. OH, but that was not the case at all. One of the Salutatorians mentioned his situation and how this class responded with an outreach of friendship. The Valedictorian mentioned Marcus by name and how he inspired and helped their class learn so many things about life that they will take with them. Then, when they were getting ready to pass out diploma's the Principal called John and I up by name and commented on how we lost Marcus early this year but his spirit lives on. It was evident that was so true. I held my composure really well until they started reading the names of the kids who were in band with Marcus. As I saw their faces, it brought back memories of those faces with shaved heads, those faces with big smiles enjoying life, and those faces with tears as they stood at attention, saluting Marcus' casket as he passed by them at the funeral. I wanted to hug each one of them and tell them that everything will be ok. We truly were inspired to move here and have this community around us as we went through this hard trial in life. They helped Marcus deal with his cancer, accepted who he was and then remember who he was and what they learned from him. God was watching over all of us.
I still feel a constant hole in my heart, sometimes it feels so big that it could swallow me up. Other times its smaller and a peaceful glow seems to come from that hole, as if Marcus is saying "I am happy and doing what I love to do, Serving my Heavenly Father." I have to focus on those moments and keep my faith that we all have work to do, and this is where we all need to be. One day I will see him and hold him but he will be proud of Me.
I added a link to a video that a friend of Marcus' family posted to his facebook group called "In Memory of Marcus" for those who would like to see the presentation of his diploma. I hope you can see it, you may have to join facebook to see it, but I'm not sure.