Sunday, June 07, 2009


All I can say is that I am continued to be amazed at the kids that live here. I should have known better than to only expect the Principal to call John and I up right before they announce the other kids diploma and that would be it. OH, but that was not the case at all. One of the Salutatorians mentioned his situation and how this class responded with an outreach of friendship. The Valedictorian mentioned Marcus by name and how he inspired and helped their class learn so many things about life that they will take with them. Then, when they were getting ready to pass out diploma's the Principal called John and I up by name and commented on how we lost Marcus early this year but his spirit lives on. It was evident that was so true. I held my composure really well until they started reading the names of the kids who were in band with Marcus. As I saw their faces, it brought back memories of those faces with shaved heads, those faces with big smiles enjoying life, and those faces with tears as they stood at attention, saluting Marcus' casket as he passed by them at the funeral. I wanted to hug each one of them and tell them that everything will be ok. We truly were inspired to move here and have this community around us as we went through this hard trial in life. They helped Marcus deal with his cancer, accepted who he was and then remember who he was and what they learned from him. God was watching over all of us.
I still feel a constant hole in my heart, sometimes it feels so big that it could swallow me up. Other times its smaller and a peaceful glow seems to come from that hole, as if Marcus is saying "I am happy and doing what I love to do, Serving my Heavenly Father." I have to focus on those moments and keep my faith that we all have work to do, and this is where we all need to be. One day I will see him and hold him but he will be proud of Me.
I added a link to a video that a friend of Marcus' family posted to his facebook group called "In Memory of Marcus" for those who would like to see the presentation of his diploma. I hope you can see it, you may have to join facebook to see it, but I'm not sure.


Jeff's Wife! said...

Hi Karen. I've been meaning to write to you or call for the longest time. It is with much ebarassment that I tell you that my insensitivity has no excuse. I apologize for not contacting you sooner. I saw you posted a comment on Lisa Baum Hall's blog, and found you from there. I just read a large portion of your blog, many older posts, and have shed many tears. Your aunt Sharon is my step-sons piano teacher and she notified me months ago of Marcus' passing. I have thought about you since then and am so glad I finally got to read your blog and find out more about your, your family, Marcus, and overall, how you're doing. I can't imagine how hard this has been for you guys. The only thing I can compare it to is the loss of my preemie little boy, who only lived for 11 minutes. I only knew him for such a short time, and even though it's been 3 1/2 years, the "sting" or "hole" or whatever it is that is painful, just NEVER goes away. Although it has gotten easier with time, it is always there... that "sting." So I can only imagine how great your "sting" is as mine is big enough. For that reason, my heart goes out to you in ways I can't describe. You got to love and enjoy your son for all those years, so your "hole" has got to be huge. Bless your heart. You have gone through so much. Hang in there and know that many have prayed for you and will continue to pray. Send me your email address and I'll add you to my blog reader's list (I'm going private in a week or so). I should come see you sometime, after all, I don't live very far away! I'll always remember when you went to the Douglas WalMart to "rescue" me and Denver after we'd been assaulted, briefly kidnapped, and hauled off into the Aguaprieta desert! Just for that, you've always held a soft spot in my heart. :-) Love, Jamie

Anonymous said...

Karen, it sounds like you made it through the graduation with flying colors. God is standing beside you through all of this and you will make it someday. Remember grieving takes time and you went through a lot with Marcus' illness and then his passing. Hopefully as time passes that sting will won't be as painful and it will lighten a bit, but never forgotten. How can he be, Marcus was your first born. Take of yourself this week. Sandy