Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Just things...

These are just THINGS, but they pull at my heart while making me smile.
Someone else could just see these and think,"thats just STUFF"
But to me they are all that I have and what I hang on to when I miss him so much
I just can't stand it. 
 The Helmet that was given to him by pilots from the AFB, which he desperately wanted to try on over his puffy, swollen bald head. Plus the hat that he wore till it was almost rags.

The poster to remember his trip to the golden spike with his Grandparents, his necklace from Hawaii, his dogtags he wore and a flag from a spray from his funeral. 

Band pictures that were framed by the Band Parents and signed by the kids, with his MC band hat that he loved to wear.   

Oh how he loved his hats. The Arizona hat was one of his cherished ones, and hardly took it off for anything and it shows.  

 The Patriot Wall; a plaque with a photo of him sitting in an F-16, his flag, and his last suvenior; the poster of  the USS ARIZONA from Hawaii

 The bookshelf he built with his own hands the last semester of school he could attend, which holds the many books on aviation and his religious books he was studying for his mission. 

 The monkey he got from a crane machine and a picture of all of us from a while ago.

The movies that he loved (notice the History of Aviation and Planet Earth)  

 The very few sport pictures of him, the star from Make a Wish, Hot wheels that he collected, his phone case and his good luck Tiki from Hawaii. 

The box he made, scout badges, the classical CD's that I still can't listen to, his Marine Corps Stickers, the pilot rubber duck that Aaron bought for him (he had a collection of rubber duckies too), and a book with his pictures from his trip alone to NY to see his Grand-Pop and Ali.  

The model planes that he couldn't finish.  He insisted he couldn't leave until he finished them.   

The bed where he slept, where his brothers play, nap, watch movies and hang out.  It's where I go to feel at peace, remember and feel him close around me. 
Some may think I am not quite right because I leave his THINGS where he left them.  To me and my boys it's where they have always belonged.  We can't put away our love for him or pretend he was never here, so we keep his THINGS where we can see them.  They have become a part of us now, just like he were here.


Marie said...

His things are symbols and symbols are important. I'm sure I would do the same if I were in your shoes. Love you Karen!

Mindi said...

Oh Karen, I'm crying as I type this. Those aren't "things", they're visible memories. It's obvious you still cherish them. I have a case that my grandma used to keep her glasses in, and a train case from her luggage. Cards people gave her in the nursing home, little things from her house, a piece of cloth, some yarn, and most of all the scent of her still lingers on them. I'll never give them up. Maybe when I'm gone and they don't mean anything to anyone else, but for now they're still pieces of my grandmother that I can touch, and smell, and remember. God bless you, sweetie. ((Hugs))

Malie said...

Karen, I wish I was there to give you a hug. No, nobody thinks that you aren't "quite right". You're his mom for goodness sakes. I know that I would do the same. It's good to remember however you want to. I'm sure Marcus loves seeing his brothers hang out on his bed. Hang in there.

Me... said...

I think you have every reason and RIGHT to leave his things where they've always been. Each of us heals and grieves on our own time table. You go ahead and love, admire, and cherish all of "Marcus." I'm sure he understands as he peaks in on you from time to time!

Trina said...

These "things" trigger the memories, which are oh so precious. Leave them as long as you want and treasure the memories forever. Love and peace.

Nancy said...

I don't know who is telling you that you need to put his things away... but I can't imagine you ever doing so. So many memories contained in those things... why would you want to put them away? I can't even bear to go through Jessica's things yet... I can't imagine putting her things away (and Marcus's room is far more organized than Jessica's is! lol)

Take care of Marcus's things - they meant a lot to him... and they mean a lot to you.

I love you, sis. Thanks for sharing Marcus's things and the memories behind them. I hope you take comfort in his things and remember that you are not alone. (((((hugs))))))

worldamazingfacts said...

I know that I would do the same.& Maybe when I'm gone and they don't mean anything to anyone else, but for now they're still pieces of my grandma that I can touch, and smell, and remember.