Friday, October 10, 2008

Sad, Sad, News....

I haven't posted in a while, but life has taken a sudden change. We did an MRI because Marcus was having swallowing issues. The Chemo hasn't been working and the tumors on his brain stem and the cerebellum have continued to grow at a rapid rate. We have gone over all the options at this time and have realized that we would just be extending his time, but it wouldn't be good time. He would be miserable with side-effects and even then, the treatments wouldn't work. This Beast is an awful one, and one that they just cannot control even when resecting it. Nothing will help... NOTHING. So, unfortunately we have decided to stop treatments and try to make him comfortable. He still wants to attend some things and I won't stop him. Whatever he wants to do, I will make sure I get him there.

He is deteriorating fast. His balance is so bad, it takes 2 of us to get him in and out of bed. We have put him on hospice, and got him a hospital bed. He is slurring more, but still has his sense of humor. His vision is so bad, all he sees in double vision. He has talked a little about going on his "Mission" to help others on the other side. He is on a lot of steroids so his face is swelling more and more, plus they give him other side effects like irritability and joint pain. But he doesn't complain much. He listens to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir a lot and quoted to me the words from "Come Come Ye Saints" last night. He is a pillar of strength to me and those around us. He is my Marcus, even in that swollen face, I see those eyes that stare right through to my soul.


JewelsP said...

We care about your family, and our prayers will continue for all of you. Love, the Paynes

Kristen said...

I pray for you continually. Marcus has been such a good friend and such an inspiration and a strength to me! My prayers are with you all!

Katie said...

I'm so sorry for all that you're going through. Marcus is such an example of strength to me and my family. We will continue to keep you all in our prayers.

alligood said...

I can't believe this is happening to you. I just read this post today and have spent the entire day thinking about Marcus and all our kiddos who have to face their own mortality head on when they should be facing much different things.
I am thinking of you, and praying for you and your family - particularly Marcus.
I think about what a difficult decision your family had to make, to stop treatment, and I am so impressed with your courage as you face this battle head on. I know you will get Marcus to everything he wants and needs to attend. You are an awesome mom!

Stacie said...

What a sweet post of an awesome mother loving her wonderful boy!! Stay strong and know we love you!!

A Stroke Above said...

In dec 2006, my husband was taken from me suddenly with Pancreatic cancer. I myself was bedridden and under Hospice care. No one expected him to die, I was the terminal patient. Yes, I saw no 57 birthday and now just passed no 58. I am just beginning as we speak to take a job. Yes, I am a miracle of prayer! The hospice people and chaplain have no other word for it. God knew I needed the strength to survive the loss of my soul mate of 31 years and not do myself in, and he saw to it that I started to get better and today, I am in total remission just as if I had never been that ill. So, don't give up on Marcus. Even at the darkest hour, God will be with you. Sometimes, I know he changes his mind. Look at me! The job I spoke of is to care for a quadriplegic man who has been this way for 22years and wants to go to school and start a business. I have no one but God and somehow He put this man in my path. Walk your path and know that wherever you go with Marcus, it is God's plan and gain comfort from this. I will pray for you. Please let me know. I found your story in my email box today. You have friends out here, Marcus! God bless you. Linda Crowder

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing Marcus' story. God Bless You and your family. Will keep you in my prayers.

Carol said...

I pray God's peace and love for you thru this as your family goes thru it.

God Bless!

Carol in Idaho

Melanie said...

your family is in MANY people's thoughts and prayers! Please keep us posted! God bless,

eviledna said...

We've never met and probably never will. But there's somebody over here in England that's thinking of you and Marcus.
God Bless
Ann x

Nancy said...

Marcus is such a special young man. His faith is growing by leaps and bounds and I am grateful that you are sharing it with us. The things you share with us help us to grow too. Thank you for blessing us in this way.

I know there are private moments that you share with him as his mother. Cherish those moments. Write them down somewhere so that during the empty times ahead you can go back and remember them and be blessed by them again.

I'm so grateful that you are his mom. You and John are such good parents. Who knew that 20 years ago when Jess was born that you would be the one to go through this first. Well, I guess that God knew, didn't He? (lol) We never would have thought it!

I just wish I could be there to hold your hand, give you a shoulder to cry on (while I cry on yours!) and be there as a moral support. I'm glad that Mom was able to go back to help out. Your other boys need grandma to be there to help distract them and of course cook for them too! (Send me some homemade rolls!!!)

(((love and hugs)))
I posted a prayer and RAK on my blog and so did Melanie:
(I hope that link works)
((hugs)) again.

CrazyBunnyLady said...

Blessed are you, Lord our G-d, Ruler of the Universe, who gives us strength.

Blessed are you, Lord our G-d, Ruler of the Universe, who gives us love.

Blessed are you, Lord our G-d, Ruler of the Universe, who gives us healing.

Chris Millar said...

I found your story about Marcus through another blog and wanted to leave a comment to say that I'm thinking of Marcus and his family from all the way over in Australia. Hugs. Chris.