April 26, 2009 - 6 months

Can't believe it's April and now it has been exactly 6 months to the day that Marcus died. Not only was it the 26th today, but Sunday as well. He died on a early Sunday morning. It has been a rough day for us, harder on John than I thought.
We went to church today and in the announcements they mentioned Seminary Graduation, then mentioned the names of the 3 boys from our Ward who will be graduating. Like a stake through the heart to hear those names and not Marcus'. John and I stood at his grave today, looking at his headstone, wondering if this pain will every subside. In a few weeks we will be going through Graduation. We will be accepting an honorary diploma in his name at the ceremony. We will be going on the Trek (I will expound on that later) but it is a very emotional thing, then the day after we get home from that, it will be Marcus' 18th birthday. We will be out there again with flowers and balloons, maybe the airplane we want to put out there. I miss him so so much. I feel at peace with where he is and what he is doing, but it just hurts soooo much to have him gone.
I got out my box today of the things of Marcus' that are very important and I want to save forever, like his birth certificate, his obituary, his Patriarchal Blessing and other things. I had forgotten that there was a letter that he wrote while he was at his Priesthood in Action camp, and as I read it I realized that he had to have known what his fate was going to be. He thanked John and I for teaching him from the time he was born to know right from wrong, for raising him well. He said he loved us no matter what, even through fights and tough times. He said he would love us to the very end. What an amazing letter! I am so glad I have that to read now. He knew what life was going to give him. I am so blessed to have had him for my son.
Tomorrow is another day and I will begin to post the things that have been going on around here. I will start with a new hope and strive to chin up and face the world. I will "Gird up my Loins" once again.