Sunday, May 31, 2009

I am soooo sorry!

I should know better than to "vent" at 2:00 in the morning, when I am soooo tired and my depression and anxiety have the best of me.

This morning I opened up an email from someone that I have known and admired since I was young. She was inspired to read my blog this morning and read my last entry that was by far a very low moment. She sent me a beautiful email full of love, and caring encouragement. I am so grateful for her kind and loving words that made my heart fill with peace and renew my Faith in the Lord. I want her to know how thankful I am for her. God sent her to give me the peace and a reminder that I can receive strength through him.

I really am grateful for being blessed enough to have such special children. I am thankful to have Marcus as my son and he will always be my son for eternity. He has made it and doesn't have to deal with this cruel world, and especially his cancer. He has a mission to do and I know that he is watching over us. I am thankful that he was able to be there for Aaron and continues to watch over each of us.

I am thankful that no one has been seriously injured throughout all of this. These are just small bumps in the road compared to the eternal perspective. " I am not yet as Job, and do not suffer as he suffered". I have 3 boys here with me who I love and adore. They are my life and I will enjoy every moment I have with them. I am also so thankful for my dear, sweet, never failing husband John. He has such patience with me and my emotional rollercoaster. He keeps things going when I dig a hole and bury my head every now and again. He is a great father and provider. He never thinks of himself first and stands up for what he believes is right. I don't know what I did to deserve such a wonderful man.

MY HOUSE, I am ever so thankful for being able to buy this home that I love and that holds so many precious memories of our family. A place where I love the people around me. How thankful I am for the loving neighbors and friends that help me and support me. They think of me often and show what Charity really is.

My Mom. How I am so ever grateful for HER! She is amazing!! She held me up during the most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my life... watch my son die. She didn't have to be here, but she chose to, to be here to not only watch her grandson die, but watch her daughter endure the pain of losing her child. I will be eternally grateful to her for that and for my Dad. He let her go and leave him behind. Thanks Dad for being so unselfish to let her come here, time after time in my times of need.

This is getting long, but I have to mention my gratitude for my siblings. Each one of them gives me so much strength in their own way. The Lord knew what he was doing when he created families.

So there is my "UN_VENT" as you can see, my perspective has changed since yesterday. Thanks to a dear loving person who took the time to listen to the promptings and to write me a simple email. The Lord answers our prayers in so many ways!!! May God Bless you!!


Anonymous said...

Hi Karen. Read your blogs this evening. Sorry to hear you are having a rough time and like all things, this too shall pass. When, well that depends on your healing. It's just seven months and the difficult month is upon you. It takes a long time and you are doing great. Remeber the process of grieving is like the waves and tides. Some come in small while others come in big. Let it ebb and flow for you. Writing in your blog is good therapy. It helps you to get it out instead of keeping it all inside. I am a mother of three grown boys myself, 38, 37 and 35 with 6 grandchildren 4 of whom are boys. I also had 3 brothers. You will fight them forever, trust me. They are made from a different mold and will never think and do like us. And of course your husband is one of them as well. We are the worriers and they are the ones who cause us to worry. Trust me, have been there, back and forth and it still continues. As mothers we never stop worrying. You just need to take care of yourself. And in good time, God will help you to come to the day where that pain you have for Marcus will not be as heavy as it is now. I know losing my dad is not like losing a child but I was his princess and he was my prince. I grieved his loss for a long time. When I think of him now, I tell him I miss him and would love to talk to him, and yet I can smile now when I look at his pictures. Just hang in there, the light will come in time. And if you ever want to talk boys, send me an email. Sandy from MD

Karen said...

Thanks Sandy, I will keep you in mind when I feel like I am testosteroned out...haha. You are so sweet and have such a wonderful way of words.

Anonymous said...

Just wondering how you made out for your knee. Hope all is as well as can be expected due to the timing in your life. Take deep breaths and try to remember at least one thing good each day to get over the hump. As my friend told me years ago when she lost her eldest son in a car accident, it takes time, it takes time, it takes time. Bless you Karen adn I will keep you in my prayers especially the next week. Sandy

Katie said...

Just wanted you to know you I keep you continually in my prayers. I'm so sorry for the rough week last week and am so glad that you were watched out for.

Stacie said...

My heart goes out to you Karen. These past few years we have been given a lot bad news too so I understand your anxiety, some days I don't even want to drive cause I worry what will happen, it sounds silly, but it is strange how the minds works. I am sorry for your struggles, but this post is proof you are a strong women and can handle tough things. We love you and wish we could see you more.