As we all know, Marcus loved planes and was a huge World War II buff. He could tell you every military plane that ever flew and know exactly what it could and couldn't do. So for his birthday, we had been planning to get this plane to put out at the cemetery. So we get it out there and John and I were just sitting, watching it blow in the breeze, when John turns to me and asked.. Can we put it up in our front yard instead? Sooooo, that's where it is, right next to his tree.
It really was a somber day. Since it was Sunday, June 14th, we didn't do much to celebrate. Aunt Monica sent a beautiful, yummy cake which we all shared in honor of Marcus. Of course we remembered him and reminisced on his birth and other little antics that he did.Out of all my kids, Marcus' birth (right after) and a few takes of him as a baby, are the only video's I have. They are 18 years old, so I think I will have to have them burned on a DVD. I did get them out and enjoyed seeing his beautiful eyes and that moment of holding him right after his delivery. I experienced almost a "slip in the veil" when I looked into his eyes for the first time and for quite a while after. I knew he was an "old soul" and they way he looked at me, I just can't describe. I saw him as a man. I really had a hard time talking to him in coo's or in baby talk. I was overwhelmed with so many feelings! Being a first time mother, just experiencing the joy and pain of birth, and then seeing this huge boy (9lbs, 10 oz..22 inches long)! But the thing that really took over was the feeling of where he just came from and WHO he was. What mission he had in life and I was responsible for him to fulfill it. And now I realize that he fulfilled that mission in spite of my parenting and responsibilities. He taught me more than I ever taught him. He will be the reason I make it in this world.
Happy Birthday Marcus. I love you and miss your laugh and your smile.
2 comments:
I have been going to your blog daily to see if you had said anything and was hoping you would write so I would know how you were. I can't even begin to imagine how you felt this past June 14th. It sounds like you made it through and had some good moments thinking about Marcus as a newborn. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone suffering the loss of a child. I found myself reading two blogs where one mom lost her 5 year old son just four weeks ago and another lost her 13 year old son to that horrible C word. I know that this does not make it any easier, but I hope it helps. God is watching over all of you and will help you get through these rough times. I liked John's idea with the plane in your yard. It's great looking. You take care and glad that you finally came back. Sandy in MD
I remember what a BIG, cute boy he was! He did have big eyes too! I felt the same way about both my babies (the preemie and now my toddler). My preemie was soooo tiny and didn't stay long on this earth, but I felt his spirit, a grown, noble soul. It's hard to describe. Now, sometimes when I look at my toddler, I see this man inside this little guy and I also feel that "old soul" feeling, like he's very familiar to me. I think it's pretty awesome what we mom's get to experience! I'm so grateful for the opportunity, no matter how long the journey. Hang in there!!! You're going to make it! :-)
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