Christmas card pictures were a last minute thing this year. We finally just took the boys out in the back yard and had them smile as warm as they could, since it was pretty cold that day.
It certainly was strange taking these pictures. It just didn't feel complete. There is just some sort of emptiness I feel in these pictures, and to others, they too have felt the same thing. My Mom even mentioned that opening her Christmas Card it was just a shock. Obviously she knew Marcus couldn't or wouldn't be in the picture, but she still felt the jolt of reality of it all over again.
This Holiday Season was definitely easier than last year, even though we all had our moments of grief and pain. We weren't able to go out and build our snowman because the snow was frozen so hard, we couldn't work with it. But we were able to go over to my brother, Brian's home for Christmas Eve. It was the first time in 2 years that we made it over there. We had a great time and experienced a little more joy.
Aaron performed in the Christmas Fantasy again this year, which is a concert/program for children about Christmas. All the Band members had to dress up as toys. Aaron had the great idea of going as a toy pilot and I decided that he could probably wear Marcus' pilot suit for it. Well, I think Marcus had other plans. For those of you who really know Marcus, he was very possessive of his THINGS. Especially when it came to sharing with his brothers.
Well, when it was time to get ready for the show, I couldn't find his uniform anywhere. I looked for 3 hours in every corner I could think of. I became very discouraged and upset. We had the suit out for his viewing and funeral, then I swore I put it in the box with all his clothing in it, but it wasn't in there! I went through that box 3 times and didn't find it. Aaron began laughing and said, "Mom, you know Marcus had something to do with this". We both started laughing because this was something he had done his whole life. Anything to not have to share with his brothers. Just as I had predicted, I found his flight suit, a week later while I was cleaning his room. I found a little suitcase that he used to keep his stuffed animals in, then it hit me that's where it was. Sure enough, there it was! I vaguely remember putting it in there, but I must have been seriously mentally out of it to do that. That is the last place I would have put it! So we can't help but laugh, thinking Marcus got his way again.
We have set a few goals for the new year. As a family we are going to try and memorize all 12 Articles of Faith. We also want to start some kind of memorial fund in Marcus' memory to help the Marching Band that he loved so much.
We enjoyed ringing in 2010 with our good friends, Julie and Gary Earl which ended up being a last minute plan. We truly cherish them and their entire family feels like our extended family.
I hope and pray that 2010 is a good year for all of us, and that we all will continue to feel the comfort and joy we need to forge ahead in our life here on earth.