Time.

4 months ago today.... seems like so much longer....who slowed life down? Oh how I miss my Marcus today. Its like my body knows when the 26th comes around, it is a little easier than last month, but it's amazing that a dumb number can cause such an emotional difference.

On top of that Aaron is getting into a little trouble at school. Nothing big, like drugs alcohol or anything like that, but just enough to get in trouble and go see the Principal.... I know he is just getting some attention and letting everyone know who he is and that he is here. He is trying to find himself and making sure people know he's not Marcus. He is such a fun kid and I know he is not depressed like he used to be. I know he's going to be OK, but what do I do with him in the meantime? He told me to sell him on E-bay.... haha.

Jackson is home sick today. He was throwing up this morning until school started, and now he seems to be fine. He has a program tonight where he is supposed to be Abraham Lincoln, maybe its just nerves. Gotta love being the MOM.

A Great Day!

In the LDS (Mormon) Faith, when someone who passes away very young, like Marcus, we are able to do Temple ordinances that they weren't able to accomplish in this life. For Valentines Day Yesterday, John and I went to the Temple and did that work for Marcus. We felt his presence so strong and knew that this is what he really wanted and needed. John had felt very strongly that Marcus really wanted us to do this for him so that he could go on and do work that God needs him to do. I know that Marcus is serving as a missionary on the other side of the Vail, and is helping us here on earth as well. It was truly a Beautiful Day.

My Niece Jessica.....

This post is about my Niece Jessica (Nancy's daughter). She was born with severe heart defects over 20 years ago and wasn't given much of a chance to survive very long at all. She is still around and prooving all the Doctors wrong! She had 5 heart surgeries where she had 2 strokes. She has over come a lot of things, and continues to fight daily for her life. She is very young at heart (like a six-yr-old)but fights like a Soldier. She is considered terminal and has been for years, but she is determined to stick around. She and Marcus have always had a bond and spent a lot of time together when they were little children. She has always been Marcus' biggest fan during the 2 years he was fighting his cancer. These 2 pictures are the last time Jessica and Marcus saw each other. These were taken in November 2007 when we went to Tucson for Thanksgiving. I know she wouldn't mind if I told you, but Jessica dreams of Marcus a lot. He has been checking up on her and making sure she is doing ok.

This picture is of Jessica holding her Aligator named Marcus. She chose that name because Marcus is brave and strong like an Aligator. Marcus is holding a star that Jessica made him to hang in his room to remember her by.

Jessica LOVES parties, especially barbie or princess ones. In this picture is Natalie (Stuarts daugter), Marissa (far left) Julie (far right)...both Alices' daughters, then Jessica.



This is Jessica with her brother Brandon. (and Marissa trying to sneak in) What a cute kid Brandon is.

Jessica's body is slowing down and things have gotten so painful for her. There is nothing more they can do for her, so we pray that things go quickly when they start getting really bad. It is a comfort to know that Marcus will be there for her, but just thinking about what she has to go through breaks me heart. It breaks my heart for her whole family who have struggled their whole lives having to deal with all this. Knowing what my sister has to do rips me apart and makes me wish I could take that all away. No one should have to experience that, but somehow and for a reason only God knows, we have to do it. It is my faith that gets me through all this and I know that it will all be worth it someday.

Please keep Jessica, Nancy and Karl, Justen, Branden, and Austin in your thoughts and prayers. Thanks!

My family...

I have been missing my family lately. I have been looking at some pictures of them from Christmas and from Marcus' Funeral. I thought I would share with you some pictures of my wonderful Taylor Family. (I will post John's family later, too many pictures!)

Here are my Parents: Ron and Julie Taylor. They live in Colonia Juarez, Chihuahua, Mexico.

This is my oldest brother Brian and his wife Melanie. This is the only one I could find of them together. I have to explain this picture. Melanie shaved her head to cheer Marcus up when he was was going through his chemo again. I think she looks great!

This is my baby brother, Stuart, and his wife Clarissa. They are expecting baby # 3 in May and its another girl!!! We are so excited! They live in Arizona.

This is my other little brother, John, and his wife Mandy. They live in California and we love when they come visit.

This is my older sister Nancy, and her husband Karl. They live in Tucson Az.

This is my baby sister Alice and her husband Chuy with her cute family. Jesse, Julie, Marissa, and baby Hyrum. (Yes she is my biological sister) They live in Tucson Az. as well.

Confessions.....

I figured that if I came clean in public that I would HAVE to do something about it. I am pretty embarrassed about it and have pretty much left my grief and stress to blame for my complete failure to take care of myself and my family.

As most of you may know, and those who don't, I will tell you. I have gained a lot of weight the last 2 years, but especially since we returned from Hawaii. (I did lose about 15 lbs before the trip which was a great feat) I know that seems like a petty thing, but this has finally gone too far. Since our arrival from Hawaii we were constantly in the hospital for Marcus and treatments etc. My Mom came for a month, left and then we just had people bringing meals. I don't think I cooked a single meal for months! So after all was said and done, Marcus was gone, family was gone, I walked into my kitchen and felt like I didn't know what to do, so I walked out. I tried a week or so later to go back in and cook, but I just fell apart. Dinner was our time together. There were so many days that I started fixing dinner and had to leave it. Not sure why, I have never been a big fan of cooking, but never to the point of tears and a break down! As many of you saw, I put pictures up in the living room, and cleaned out Marcus's closet. THOSE are the things that should bring me down, but cooking dinner for my family?

John, poor man, has tried to cover my spot as cook and has done a wonderful job. He is so much more than I deserve. But of course he is only human, he can't do it all, especially since he has been given more work to do at work.

I haven't been the Mom my boys need because I have been so selfish. Because of this problem, I have gained so much weight, that I have put my own health at risk. This last week has been a huge wake-up call for me. I have had head-aches for the last 2 weeks, but last week I had them so bad I was nauseated and vomiting. My neck and shoulders have been in so much pain. I went to a chiropractor thinking that would help my headaches and my neck, only to find out that my blood-pressure is sky-high! He has helped with all my headaches and things but my bloodpressure is still a problem. Monday morning I will be calling my Dr. and seeing what he can do to help me get this under control. Sure, many can say that stress and grief can be a health hazard, BUT if I had been on top of taking care of myself and my family I know I would not be in this situation.

So this is my confession and hopefully my inspiration to "Gird up my loins, fresh courage take".