Hang ON..... Here we go again!

Please sit and wait for the lap bar to lock into place.....Please keep hands inside the car during the ride...CLANK, CLANK, CLANK....

Remember that feeling of going on that big ride, the big roller coaster and half of the ride was just climbing to the top? The anticipation, the knowing what you are going to experience, but yet not sure if you are ready for it. This is how I feel when things with Marcus start going ways that we aren't sure what is really going on. Of course it is not a good anticipation, but I get the same sick feeling in my stomach and almost like my body is getting ready for an adrenaline rush.

Well, here it goes. Last April Marcus had an MRI... stable. Just a few weeks later, he started having head aches and pains in the back of his head. They did a CT-scan to make sure that there were no broken blood vessels...came back stable. So we went to our Pediatrician and he figured it must be from stress. At this same time Marcus had been taking medication for his behavior issues, changing them here and there. About a month ago, I noticed that he was having a hard time keeping his balance when he got up in the morning. I figured it must be the medicine cause it does have the side effect of "dizziness". He has still had head aches on and off, but took meds and it goes away. Now it has been 2 weeks or so... more frequent headaches.... (must be stress from being section leader in the band). This week... waking up with heaches and nausea, 3 days in a row. I do not want to over-react, so I let him go down to Salt Lake for the day's of 47 parade where they spend the night. He calls me that night at 10:30, just vomited. Says he feels OK, goes to bed. First thing this morning... I call, Marcus says he feels fine.... takes a shower, calls me back. Mom, I feel sick/headache. He really doesn't tell me that his head hurts unless I ask him. But every time I do, he has one somewhere or just had one. I drive all the way down there to pick him up, call Primary Children's... none of the clinics are open cause it is a holiday. I talked to a nurse practitioner, tells me that it is not urgent, but to call first thing tomorrow morning. Came home... more headache, took meds, feels better. Tonight... around 10:00... I feel sick to my stomach again Mom. My heart stops when I hear him say that. Twenty minutes later he walks in and asks... Dad can you give me a blessing, I just don't want to be sick anymore and I am sure that will make it go away. Now I know he knows........ he is scared.
Two years ago today, I was taking Marcus in to the hospital for "dehydration" from the Parade, with headache, nausea, vomiting, and backache. Looking back I am sure it was from the "B" word along with some dehydration. The last 2 whole years, Marcus has never gotten sick... not even a cold or an infection while going through his treatments. (except shingles) Even with his blood counts so low, he never got sick. He NEVER vomited, not even while taking Chemo by mouth every night. He felt a little woosey, but never vomited. The last time he did was almost 2 years ago. Just a few days before his diagnosis.
I am praying for strength, courage and for whatever lies ahead of us tomorrow, please do the same.