Sunday, May 31, 2009

A little female "VENT"

Today I feel alone in a house will all boys and a couple of Men. There have been a few experiences in our household that have been centered around Aaron. Some of you may have heard about them, some have not, so I will just mention them.
1) Aaron was influenced strongly by peer pressure and a Leader to let him shave his head. That ended up with many tears and a whole issue he hadn't planned on. Remembering the last time he shaved his head for his brother.
2) Aaron went with the Scouts shooting. One boy's double barrel shot gun wouldn't open so he decided to pull it up over his head to shoot it, but didn't think to take his finger off the trigger. As he began to pull it up, it went off making a huge hole in the ground at Aaron's feet...which sprayed shrapnel up on Aaron leaving welts and sores on his legs, stomach and arms. The leaders there were frightened and swear that someone (not visible to the human eye) held down that gun so that it didn't hit Aaron at point blank. THANK YOU MARCUS!
3) Aaron got bursitis in his knee and has been on steroids and antibiotics. If that doesn't help, then he might have to have surgery.
4) Friday night, the Scouts (yes, I let him go with them again!) went on a over-night camp out and rode horses the next morning. John (yes, my husband) went up early this morning to attend and have some fun. They come home and John is limping. Come to find out, 2 other LEADERS plus John are thrown from horses... not just once but twice and with John 3 TIMES! One of the other leaders ended up with at least 3 broken ribs, maybe 5... the other ended up with stitches by his eye. John landed on his back and side... he has a bad back as it is... I am scared to death what he going to be like tomorrow. I am afraid he really hurt himself, he just isn't showing it. Aaron also fell off his horse somehow, and says his chest must have hit the horn of the saddle, so now that hurts.

I have to mention that on May 11th, I took a leisurely stroll on my neighbors motor scooter, took a turn too wide and stuck out my leg which hyper-extended it which tore my ACL. That is the tendon that holds the knee together. So the 4th of June, I will be going in to schedule my surgery... MAYBE. Depends on who I will have to take care of .. either John or Aaron.

I really am angry right now. Here it is 2:13 in the morning and I can't sleep!! WHY? Because I (yes, me!!) am over reacting!!! I know nothing serious has come of any of this, but my nerves are completely shot! I told both of them not to go, and I am the one who isn't reasonable! You know that instinct that Mothers have, well my instinct is on OVERLOAD and I know when crap is way too close. I have had it!! Graduation is Tuesday, where they are supposed to give us and honorary diploma for Marcus!! I barely made it through the Band Banquet where they gave a beautiful tribute to him.. Memorial Day, and his birthday is June 14th. Aaron is supposed to go on a Trek to Wyoming with other youth on the 10th through the 13th of June. John and I were supposed to go with the youth, but can't because of my knee. I AM TIRED!! I can't take any more.... my nerves are so shot, I really don't know if I can really let anyone out the door of my house. I lost one, I can't survive losing anyone else. I hate that I am told by John and Aaron that I "just worry too much" or that I am "being over protective"... I am sorry. What am I supposed to do? I lost Marcus and I had no control over that, why couldn't it happen to anyone else? It obviosly has come very close!!!

I am so sorry for the rambling and venting, I guess tonight is when my Dr.'s prescription is going to have to help me unwind and sleep. I have worked myself up all day. Thanks for listening... YES, I AM JUST WALLOWING.... I know it could be worse.

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