Wednesday, May 14, 2008


I am afraid that we have more on our hands than we can handle. I always say the scariest day in my life was the day they told me Marcus had a brain tumor, well Monday tops it, well... pretty darn close.
Sunday things were not really great because Marcus had promised me that he would go to church with us, and when it came time to go, he wouldn't get out of bed. Well, when we got to church we talked to our Bishop. He decided to come over and give Marcus a blessing. Things after that were so great. Marcus was so much happier, until monday after his Therapy session. I had to go to the store to get a couple of things. He went to the toys and wanted all kinds of stuff, very expensive too. When I told him no, he put his earphones on and headed for the car. All the way home he kept gripping his fists more and more. By the time he got home he went in his room and slammed the door. Normal thing nowdays. I put on some of my musice and began to clean up dishes. I heard some banging around in there. I went and peeked at him and he was just sitting on his bed starring out the window. So I went back to doing dishes. I heard a couple more bangs in there and a crash. I waited a few minutes, then felt like I should go check on him. When I walked in, there was a book (my book) ripped to shreds, his picture of Jesus broken lying on the floor in its glass, his favorite Uof A basketball flattened and smashed. As I looked at him sitting on his bed starring out the window, he had a rather large pocket knife (that he uses fishing) stabbing the matress right next to his leg! I called his name and he didn't respond. I walked out slowly and called John (who was at soccer practice at the time) He then came running home. After I hung up with John, I went into his room and asked him where his knife was and he pitched it backward (while it was open).
Luckily, a person in our bishopric, is a psychotherapist. We are seeing his partner, but we couldn't get a hold of him, so John call him (who happened to be at the same soccer practice) so he came over. Talked to him for a few minutes and decided that he was O.K. to leave him at home.
The Dr. diagnosed him with Intermittent Explosive Behavior. Because of the hole in his brain where his personality is, his brain is trying to re-circuit his wiring and unfortunately the more he has these outbursts, the more ingrained it is. Which explains why its getting worse. Unfortunately the only way to get him calm enough to learn ways to re-circuit to a better place, is through medicine which he is refusing to take. So I am afraid that this is going to end up with some tough-love, and I will have to call the police next time he even gets close to that again. If it ends up in court then thats where we will end up. I will never go through that again! I was scared for him, Jackson and myself. I am tired of him controlling the whole house, and if he refuses to take the medicine then he will just have to explain it to a judge. I know that is a horrible thing to say, but I am sorry, I will NEVER let him do that to me or anyone else again. I have been considering threating to take away his Make a wish trip if he doesn't co-operate with us. I could understand if he was on meds and they weren't working, but this is in his hands and he is refusing help. I will just have to get tough with him. We can't do this anymore. Its not fair to the rest of the family, especially the boys. I thought the cancer was hard..... that is looking a little easier right now.


Anonymous said...

You know that your names are all in Temple, I feel that eventually everything is going to be's just getting there that is the problem. Wish I could help! I pray alot for all of you! Love, MOM

Nancy said...

I have been so worried since we talked last time. You will have to use tough love. I would recommend that you threaten to take away his Make A Wish trip if he doesn't take his meds.

The only time I had problems with Jess refusing to take her meds was when she was a toddler. I literally held her down on the floor and forced her to take them. I guess that stuck in her subconscious because she has been really good at taking her 405948383 (lol) meds since then. Too bad Marcus is too big for you to sit on and force it down his throat, huh? LOL

Good luck. I'm sending (((((hugs)))) and chocolate. Oh, sorry, I ate the chocolate, so run to the store and buy some for yourself. LOL!

Love ya!

alligood said...

Oh Karen,
I am so sorry this is happening right now! I can relate a teeny bit, because Matt is not the same child that he was before this whole brain tumor thing. The issues we have are different (and, comparitively, positive - just imagine a child who is so positive and helpful all the time you just want to scream because you just want him to act NORMAL), but I don't want this different child, I want my REGULAR Matthew back! I just can't imagine how scared you feel right now. Know that we pray for you guys and I hope you can help Marcus understand how important it is to take his medications.

Shauna McDaniel said...

Hey Karen- I put your whole family in the temple. I have been thinking of you lots. Remember there is a reason for everything, it just stinks trying to find it.
Love ya

The Mom said...

I'm thinking of you and your family Karen. Let me know if there is anything I can do. Love ya, Tauna

Stacie said...

cancer sucks, that is all there is to it.
Be strong and hold on, it is a long ride and sometimes tough love just has to be done because they just don't understand.
We are alwaying thinking of you and hope you have better days.
love the englands