Lost!

I haven't really updated on what else is happening in the real world here. The reason for that is because it hasn't been the best. Even though these past things (the Pilot for a day and the party) have been fun and exciting, things at home are still pretty rough and ragged. The 4th medication that we were going to give Marcus, I kinda had second thoughts about, but when we decided that it really wasn't an option and we should try it, he refused to take it. So...... he is refusing to take the medicine, and he hasn't had a lot of outbursts, but he still has hit Jackson a few times. Everything is a battle, from doing homework to even taking a shower. We are still meeting with the Psycologist, and trying some new behavior changing techniques. John has a very hard time with the new plan and is not sure if he can do it.
I miss my Marcus. I walked by his picture in the hallway today (pre-cancer) and just sat down and cried. I just long for his fun loving spirit and the love he had for his brothers. Don't get me wrong, there are times where he does try to have fun with his brothers, but they are afraid of him. In an instant, for some stupid noise or something annoying someone is doing, he is gone. How I miss him. I hate cancer, I hate what it does to kids and families. I hate that we will never have the real Marcus back. I just pray everyday that the Lord will find some way to comfort and give our family peace.