Back from Camp.

Aaron and Marcus made it through the week and are so glad to be back in their own beds. Although I think Marcus would have liked to stay longer. I heard the food there was awesome, matresses, showers, the works... oh, and GIRLS! I heard that the nurses were "hot" and that Marcus looked forward to go to the infirmary to get his meds every night. Yeah, I don't think forgetting his pills was a problem! haha. He did say that camp was AWESOME and he has to go next year for sure! He came home singing camp songs, had some arts and crafts he had made, and told me about the pranks they and the girls did to each others cabins. Of course he had to tell me all about them over and over again. ( I find that when he is excited about something, he has a hard time focusing on how many times he repeats himself.) He admitted to me that while they were playing basketball that the ball bounced off the metal backboard and hit him in the head (in the part where his skull was cut), but said he felt nothing and that he felt fine. He said he did have one incident where he stormed off when they were playing some games, but a friend there made an effort to go over and calm him down. So, I guess he is OK. After a week of Marcus being gone, I was so used to the "stress-free" zone I was in. Marcus came home anxious to play with his younger brothers, to my surprise. That was great until today when they were playing Game Cube so great then... BAM... Marcus smacks Jackson for something dumb like not playing the game "right". (SIGH) Times like these, I just know he really is trying to be nice then he just snaps.

Aaron had a great time, even though he came home with cuts, scrapes, bruises from games, hikes, and just being Aaron. He has grown up so much! He is over an inch taller than me and I have had to buy MENS clothes for him now! EEEKKK!! He needs to get a job to pay for all of the stuff he wants, too bad he's the not the one who is 17. He came home pretty stinky, dirty, tired but worn out from FUN. He has really blossomed into a fine-looking boy, full of mischief, and of course, a great sense of humor. He has made so many friends, it is so great to see him so full of life. I love to watch him, he reminds me of myself at that age, a little. He is a little more outgoing, but I sure got silly and knew how to have a good time. I made sure it was a good time. Aaron has finally gotten to that point through all this crap he has had to deal with, and I am so happy for him. He is determined to have fun, no matter what and that is important.

Aaron leaves for New York (Chautauqua) on tuesday, and his birthday is on Saturday! I can't believe that I am not going to be with him to light fireworks with him on his B-day! He will be gone until the 15th, spending time with Grand-Pop and Ali. He is looking forward to some bonding with them and some good fishing! I am sure they will keep him pretty busy, I sure am jealous! I really hate to see him leave again, but he will have a great time, I am sure.


P.S. Kung-Fu Panda was Awesome! SKUDOOSH! The boys all loved it.

Going to Camp!

Tomorrow, June 22nd, both Marcus and Aaron will be going to two different camps. They (ehem...I mean "I") have been packing their stuff and getting them ready to go off for a week. I am REALLY looking forward to this week, well... for their benefit. wink wink.
Aaron will be going to a BSA, Scout camp located in Idaho called Camp Bartlett. This is some serious camping where he has to hike taking everything in one backpack, including his bedroll and sleeping bag. This will be his last year going, so he and his friends are planning some little pranks to pull on the poor little "newbies". Don't worry, a little shaving cream goes a long way with teen boys.
Marcus is going to a wonderful camp for Teens with Cancer, called Camp Hobe. If you click on the link, there is a video you can view of what it is. It looks like an awesome place that helps kids connect and feel accepted. Aaron was also invited to this camp, but decided that this is his last year at Scout Camp, so he has to go. Next year they will both be able to go to Camp Hobe. They are able to go 2 camping seasons after their last treatment and up to age 19. I hope this is what Marcus needs to go on and try to let go of all the bad stuff he has been hanging on to.
So, this week should be fun for the 2 little boys and I. We have a few things planned like going to see Kung-Fu Panda, going on a little hike, and having our own "camp out" in the living room. It will be a new experience for me to have just 2 little ones around again. It will be a nice little break from the stresses of the TEENS. Especially since the whole "girl things" are starting! (sigh) I stand by my lifetime assessment of girls... girls are mean, manipulative, and just down right cruel! Especially when we are dealing with Marcus, who emotionally is 12 or 13, so that is who he attracts. Anyway, that is a WHOLE different story! So we start the summer fun of CAMP!!!

Happy Birthday!

Marcus turned 17! Wow...I can't believe he and I both made it this far! Especially with that new "do" of his. He has been wanting to cut his hair so I took him on his birthday and this is what he comes home with! Thanks Jenni! Just what are cousins for anyway? JK... He wanted to get a rise out of me, but I told him it looked great and smiled! My teeth were clenched shut, but I smiled big! This is called a "Fo-hawk". I have no idea why, but all I know is that is resembles a mo-hawk just a lot smaller. If it makes him happy, then I am too! He is a Goofy-Goober, but thats what I have missed about him for the last 8 months or so. He hasn't been the silly goofball he used to be lately, and it has been so nice to see him smile a little more and play with his brothers. He still can't find the patience for Jackson yet, but that will come with time I am sure. Maybe by the time he leaves on a mission???? Who knows. Jackson is hard to deal with at times, especially if you aren't very tolerant of noise or confusion. That is just what comes with the Jaxman.
As for Marcus, he went to the Dr. last week and they added another medicine that seems to be helping the most. Best of all, it helps him SLEEP! (clapping). He has had a hard time staying asleep and this really seems to be the answer. At first he was groggy in the morning, but now that his body is getting used to it, he is doing a lot better. He has only had one incident where he threw some ice, but other than that, the last week has been better... (knocking on wood).


Ok... I HAVE to throw in a story about Jackson. Yesterday while John was trying to make Jackson get dressed for church, Jackson told John "I wish I had fur". John thought that was odd so he asked him why. Jackson then replied.."so I wouldn't have to get dressed, I could just wear my fur everywhere". We cracked up. Leave it to Jackson to come up with an alternative!

FUN DAY!

Thursday was a great day because John got free, yes FREE passes for the entire family to go to Lagoon this weekend. Thursday was the only day that looked like it would be "less rain" than the rest of the week and we were right. The boys were so excited and so was I because we hadn't been to Lagoon in a few years. It also was the first time our whole family went to a Theme Park with NO STROLLER!!! WoW!!! That was so great not to have to lug everything around, and having to have someone "sit" with our stuff. But that also meant that I left everything at home... including MY CAMERA!!!! UUUUUGGGHHH! What was I thinking? I even had a clip on case that I could have strapped it on me during rides. (smacking myself on the forehead). So next time we will be a little more prepared!
This is a picture of the only roller coaster I was brave enough to get on, except for "puff" the kiddie roller coaster that I had to ride on with Jackson. (That is the only time I was so glad I didn't have the camera) This ride is called "the Bat". Yes, it is a ride similar to the batman, but not as long nor as fun, I hear. Noah loved it! He and Aaron rode that thing a lot. I liked it because it didn't go straight down going 60 miles an hour, it didn't go around and around, AND it didn't go upsidedown. That is my criteria for going on a ride, and if it has all 3, then I won't even look at it for fear I will "ralph" all over the place. I know I am old because 20 years ago, if one of my friends had just said the right words, like "I double-dog-dare-ya" I would have gone on every stinkin' spinning, dropping, swooping, looping, barf-inducing ride there. Yes, before the days of children, I was the one that had to prove that I was just as tough as the boys when it came to stuff like this, even though deep down inside I wanna to run and find the nearest place to crawl into. I remember as a kid (maybe age 9)my Dad putting me on those crazy rides (in MEXICO, no less) all by myself because I wanted to go on them so bad. My Mom had to walk away, I think. I am sure I was pretty sick after that, but I loved it. Thanks Dad! I guess thats why ridding the dirt bike was so relaxing to me later on!
This monster is THE WICKED! Marcus has wanted to ride that thing since we were driving to Salt Lake all the time and he was able to watch it go up. But because of his head still recovering from surgery, last summer he wasn't able to ride it. This year John promised him that he would go on it with him! Boy I think John learned his lesson! This ride propels/shoots you like a rocket up this 90 degree track and then, of course you come straight down (thanks to gravity)at the same 90 degree angle. John said he would be having nightmares of this thing for the rest of the week. He said when you start to drop, it seems like it just drops forever. Marcus said, and I quote.."I have never ever heard my Dad scream like a girl until now, he screamed all the way down and around the rest of the ride." Too bad I missed it, but you couldn't have "double-dog-dared" me enough to go on that thing! John even worked his way up to the wicked by riding the other pretty crazy rides first, but I still couldn't get him on the big Ferris wheel. GO FIGURE!
Since the trip to Arizona was supposed to be this weekend, I guess this sorta made up for it. Marcus wasn't able to fly aerobatics in a plane, but he was able to go on a few roller coasters with his brothers and his Dad. Aaron really hadn't been on any "real" roller coasters, but this year he sure enjoyed them. I think next time he will be ready to go on the wicked with Marcus. Well.... MAYBE... depends on who is with him. Peer pressure is an awful thing.

Jackson finishes Kindergarten!!

Here is a little brief synopsis of Jacksons year of Kindergarten. This picture is Jackson on his first day of school. What a smile. I can only imagine what is going through that head of his. I imagine he is planning his first escape. Little does "Miss Melanie" know who has just entered her doors.
He did think he could come and go as he pleased. He really liked going on little walks, or going to get water and to the restroom without letting anyone know. One day he went to school with pink-eye (yeah, I know... what a GREAT MOM). Miss Melanie sent him to the office to call me or John and let us know that we need to pick him up. After about 15 minutes Jackson comes back in and announces... "my pink eye is gone". Come to find out he just went on a little "walk about" and never made it to the Office.
This is Jackson on Valentines day. What a "playa"!! Not just one girl on the holiday of Love, but 2 tall girls... one blonde, one brunette.. gotta have have it all. The look on his face says it all.
I am just kidding. I love these little girls. Kali is the brunette and her family is awesome. I am glad Jackson can have both girl and boy friends. Just hope he doesn't get involved with girls too soon!!!! I don't want to think about that now!!! SCARY!!!!!!!!!!!
These last 2 pictures are of one of their last field trips to a local dairy. I just love the faces that Jackson has in these pictures. Especially the one with him on the bus. Too cute.














What a booger!!! I just love this age. How sad that he is in the first grade now...... (cough, cough) there, I am over it... YIPPPEEE he is in first grade!

Very Moving

Yes, I have been putting nothing but blah and sad things on my blog, but it has been a very sad and tough week.
Today was Clarissa's funeral, what a beautiful service. I was amazed at the strength of her family. Each of them spoke or participated somehow. They all spoke of her as determined as well as spiritual. The oldest girls, ages 16 and 13, gave tributes to their sister and I thought I was listening to adults. What love and adoration they had for her. The music was beautiful and the flowers were gorgeous. They had pictures of Clarissa everywhere and video of pictures of her growing up. Her metals and soccer trophies were displayed as well as her pictures playing. It was a difficult but yet healing to see her family so strong. Here is a poem that was printed on the back of the program that was written by Clarissa's 13-yr old sister.

I know that you've been asking
"Why did God do this to me?
I've been told that I'm his daughter
Who he loves so tenderly.
If that's the case
Why can't he just
Make it go away?
I know he can,
I've got the faith,
And yet, the tumor stays."

He is aware of all your suffering,
And he listens to your prayers.
It breaks his heart, as it breaks mine
When you think he doesn't care.
He's just sending his love-filled blessings
In a different sort of way.
He blesses you through others
Through the presents, and every time they pray.

So don't ever feel like he doesn't care
He just knows what is best
He wants to help;he knows you're strong,
And this is your life's test.

-Jocelyn Packer

A very sad, sad day.

This morning our neighbor, Clarissa Packer (age 11) passed away. She had a brain tumor, the same kind as Marcus, that was inoperable. She went quickly, which is a blessing for her, I guess. She was brave and such a trooper. She went out with her family everywhere and when she was given her wheel chair she mainly pushed it. She was just given her hospital bed this last Monday, that same day she wanted to go for a walk. So she and her mom pushed her wheelchair for over a mile! Tuesday she wanted to climb a tree, so her tiny little mom helped her up into a tree. (she has been blind for a few months)Yesterday she slept a lot, but was pretty coherent and was able to tell her family what she wanted to say and gave them things. She passed this morning. What a gift to be able to spend your last week doing the things she wanted and not having to sit in a bed for weeks like a vegetable. I know that she had been asking her mom if it was ok to pray to Heavenly Father that she could die quickly. Her prayers have been answered.

I just added this.... Here is the website with her obituary and photo. She was a beautiful girl. www.allenmortuaries.net

Make a Wish canceled.

Well, as I told you before the airplane crash was a bad incident, but after talking it over we decided that he really isn't mentally able to go up in that plane. His behavior has been a little better, but we just don't know what will happen minute by minute. We thought he would be very upset about the fact that we canceled it, he took it rather well and decided that he really doesn't want to get himself in that position. I am sure it scared him because it was 2 experienced pilots went down and no one knows why yet. So now we don't know what he is going to do. We do need to go in June or it will be a long time before we can really go anywhere because of Marching Band. He is leaning toward the Pearl Harbor trip, which would be a great for everyone and a much more safe thing too. Unless he decides to go parasailing!!!! Of course we all are pushing for the Hawaii trip, but it is up to him.

Breakdown.

I am afraid that we have more on our hands than we can handle. I always say the scariest day in my life was the day they told me Marcus had a brain tumor, well Monday tops it, well... pretty darn close.
Sunday things were not really great because Marcus had promised me that he would go to church with us, and when it came time to go, he wouldn't get out of bed. Well, when we got to church we talked to our Bishop. He decided to come over and give Marcus a blessing. Things after that were so great. Marcus was so much happier, until monday after his Therapy session. I had to go to the store to get a couple of things. He went to the toys and wanted all kinds of stuff, very expensive too. When I told him no, he put his earphones on and headed for the car. All the way home he kept gripping his fists more and more. By the time he got home he went in his room and slammed the door. Normal thing nowdays. I put on some of my musice and began to clean up dishes. I heard some banging around in there. I went and peeked at him and he was just sitting on his bed starring out the window. So I went back to doing dishes. I heard a couple more bangs in there and a crash. I waited a few minutes, then felt like I should go check on him. When I walked in, there was a book (my book) ripped to shreds, his picture of Jesus broken lying on the floor in its glass, his favorite Uof A basketball flattened and smashed. As I looked at him sitting on his bed starring out the window, he had a rather large pocket knife (that he uses fishing) stabbing the matress right next to his leg! I called his name and he didn't respond. I walked out slowly and called John (who was at soccer practice at the time) He then came running home. After I hung up with John, I went into his room and asked him where his knife was and he pitched it backward (while it was open).
Luckily, a person in our bishopric, is a psychotherapist. We are seeing his partner, but we couldn't get a hold of him, so John call him (who happened to be at the same soccer practice) so he came over. Talked to him for a few minutes and decided that he was O.K. to leave him at home.
The Dr. diagnosed him with Intermittent Explosive Behavior. Because of the hole in his brain where his personality is, his brain is trying to re-circuit his wiring and unfortunately the more he has these outbursts, the more ingrained it is. Which explains why its getting worse. Unfortunately the only way to get him calm enough to learn ways to re-circuit to a better place, is through medicine which he is refusing to take. So I am afraid that this is going to end up with some tough-love, and I will have to call the police next time he even gets close to that again. If it ends up in court then thats where we will end up. I will never go through that again! I was scared for him, Jackson and myself. I am tired of him controlling the whole house, and if he refuses to take the medicine then he will just have to explain it to a judge. I know that is a horrible thing to say, but I am sorry, I will NEVER let him do that to me or anyone else again. I have been considering threating to take away his Make a wish trip if he doesn't co-operate with us. I could understand if he was on meds and they weren't working, but this is in his hands and he is refusing help. I will just have to get tough with him. We can't do this anymore. Its not fair to the rest of the family, especially the boys. I thought the cancer was hard..... that is looking a little easier right now.

I am just sick!

I belong to a group (online) of mothers who had babies in Jan. of '02. We have known each other since pregnancy of our babies and we still remain friends (over 6 years). Well, one of those mothers lives in Peoria, Az. She knows about Marcus's Make-A-Wish where we will be going to Mesa, Az. for Marcus to fly in Aerobatic planes and learn to dog fight. I found a post from her upset because one of those planes crashed on May 9th killing both people on board. She wasn't sure when we were going to be there, so she thought it could have been us! She posted the article and it is the exact company that we are going to! I am just sick to my stomach...literally. I really don't know what is going to happen with our trip that is scheduled for June 5th, but I don't think we will be going!

Anyway, here is the article from the Arizona Repuplic:
(here is the link if you want to watch the video about it)
http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/2008/05/09/20080509planecrash050908-CR.html

A small aerobatic plane crashed about seven miles east of Phoenix-Mesa Gateway Airport, killing two people Friday afternoon as the crew of a medical helicopter watched.

Kore Redden, a spokeswoman with Rural/Metro Fire Department, said a crew aboard a LifeNet I helicopter saw the single-engine plane go down in the desert, then circled and landed to see if they could help.

She said the two people on board were already dead from massive trauma. A Mesa Police helicopter flew Queen Creek firefighters to the remote scene, where they confirmed the fatalities.
Redden said the victims, both men, were found 10 to 20 feet from the wreckage with one parachute deployed. Mike Minter with the Pinal County Sheriff's Office said the two-seater plane nose-dived into the desert floor about five miles northeast of Ocotillo and Schnepf roads.

The Extra EA-300 single-engine, high-performance plane had left the airport at 12:43 p.m. They were returning to Mesa when the plane crashed at about 2:30 p.m. under unknown circumstances, said Ian Gregor, a spokesman for the Federal Aviation Administration. There was no communication with air traffic controllers prior to the crash, he said.

Redden said the aircraft is owned by Fighter Combat International. The company's Web site said it is based at the Mesa airport and offers thrill rides ranging from $469 to $1,574. The Web site touts the service as "The Ultimate Guy Gift."

John Walkup of Chandler Air Service, a flight school company at Chandler Municipal Airport, said the company had carved out a niche selling specialty rides.

"That's all they do is take people up for rides and do special things," he said. "Those airplanes have the ability to do every maneuver known to God times ten."

Walkup said the Valley is a hotbed for aerobatics.

"The entire aerobatic community will be very upset," he said. "They have a job to do and they've been doing it well for quite a few years."

Brian Sexton, an airport spokesman, said the company has been a tenant since 2003.

Minter said the crash site had rough terrain accessible only by four-wheel-drive vehicles or helicopter.

Another Long Day.

Marcus got home from school and went to play basketball with his friends. He was gone over 2 hours and said he got along just fine, but he did trip and land hard on his side. He said he felt pretty dizzy so he came home. Life after that became a nightmare, snapping at everyone who walked into the living room, threatening kids and just being nasty. I let him on the computer to do an assignment for school, he got ticked off at Aaron for something stupid, so 10 minutes later he logged off the computer and decided he wasn't going to do his homework. Didn't like what we were having for dinner, didn't eat. It just got worse from there.
We are supposed to go on our Make-a-wish trip on June 5th, and no one is excited about it. It is so hard to be excited when the person getting the wish is being mean and nasty. I hope something happens before this trip.

We spoke to his Oncologist and she referred him to Neurology. I called to schedule an appointment and they won't see him because they don't deal with behavior issues. There is not a "pediatric neurospychologist" in the state of Utah. We are paying up the butt for Marcus to see these Dr.'s and they all just seem to be not sure of themselves. One had an idea to change behavior by rewarding for good behavior with kinda a "gambling" type of thing. He is never sure when he is going to hit the jackpot. But my husband and I can't find any reward that he wants.... money doesn't even motivate him! He has refused taking any medication and won't co-operate with any Dr. Nothing is his fault and has no remorse for anything hes done.
I just read an article about a girl from Arizona who suffered a concussion and had horrible personality change, and brain injury issues. She was diagnosed and had all kinds of help. HELLO??? Isn't there anyone who deals with that around here? Doesn't anyone in UTAH ever have head injuries and have treated them? I feel like the Dr.'s are just shrugging their shoulders, handing him a pill, or guessing on what they can do for him.
All I know is I can't live this way, my kids cannot live this way. My poor kids follow me around the house cause they dont' want to be left alone with him. I am just at my wits end and don't know where to go next. Each day he gets more and more stubborn, mean and hateful. Everything is about him and if it goes any other way, he takes it out on someone. I am afraid for the safety of my kids. What has to happen before there is really someone that can help him? If something happens, and he ends up in Juvee, he will be a helpless cause. He will soon be 17 and I am so scared of his future. I don't know if I am more scared of the cancer coming back or what will happen to him (or someone else ) if he doesn't get help.

Better day.

I am feeling better today. Marcus went to his Marching band "step off" meeting, which is for this upcoming year, and he is very excited about it. So he came home with a skip in his step. I am hoping this helps! Music is his "thing". ALSO.....
Yesterday, I started a new fitness/diet program that is just "in the making". Icon Health and Fitness here in town, (they build treadmills and other fitness equipment) are coming out with a new program for women. They haven't named it yet, but they are thinking about calling it P.i.n.K. I have the opportunity to try this program and give my input for them to see what things need to be changed etc. There is a group of us that are doing it together and we get to work with a Dietitian, and a personal trainer! Debbie is a 40-yr-old woman who is the world Olympic weight lifting champion. She is the one working with Icon to develop this program. So, as you might imagine, it is using the Olympic weight-lifting concepts and fundamentals. I am so excited because it is all strength training. I LOVE IT. I have been a firm believer in strength training, (of course I haven't done it in YEARS) but now I can actually get to do it.
One thing they encourage is telling people about my new program, that way it keeps me "accountable" as to what I am doing. So here I am, telling you about it. I actually started a new blog just for my program if you want to check it out, go for it.
www.mypinkexperience.blogspot.com

Lost!

I haven't really updated on what else is happening in the real world here. The reason for that is because it hasn't been the best. Even though these past things (the Pilot for a day and the party) have been fun and exciting, things at home are still pretty rough and ragged. The 4th medication that we were going to give Marcus, I kinda had second thoughts about, but when we decided that it really wasn't an option and we should try it, he refused to take it. So...... he is refusing to take the medicine, and he hasn't had a lot of outbursts, but he still has hit Jackson a few times. Everything is a battle, from doing homework to even taking a shower. We are still meeting with the Psycologist, and trying some new behavior changing techniques. John has a very hard time with the new plan and is not sure if he can do it.
I miss my Marcus. I walked by his picture in the hallway today (pre-cancer) and just sat down and cried. I just long for his fun loving spirit and the love he had for his brothers. Don't get me wrong, there are times where he does try to have fun with his brothers, but they are afraid of him. In an instant, for some stupid noise or something annoying someone is doing, he is gone. How I miss him. I hate cancer, I hate what it does to kids and families. I hate that we will never have the real Marcus back. I just pray everyday that the Lord will find some way to comfort and give our family peace.

My true color

What's Your True Color?

My Result: Blue

You're blue — the most soothing shade of the spectrum. The color of a clear summer sky or a deep, reflective ocean, blue has traditionally symbolized trust, solitude, and loyalty. Most likely a thoughtful person who values spending some time on your own, you'd rather connect deeply with a few people than have a bunch of slight acquaintances. Luckily, making close friends isn't that hard, since people are naturally attracted to you — they're soothed by your calming presence. Cool and collected, you rarely overreact. Instead, you think things through before coming to a decision. That level-headed, thoughtful approach to life is patently blue — and patently you!

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=colorogt&c=50652

Pilot for a day!

The Pilots-for-a-day and the 2 real pilots

I just cannot put in to words what kind of day it was yesterday. I was just amazed what time, effort and money that was spent on these 8 boys. We started at 7:45 and had breakfast in the place where all the pilots "hang-out" and met with 3 pilots. The boys then went in and put on their flight suits (that they got to keep) with the exact same kind of badges that the pilots have and a helmet bag that the pilots carry their own helmets in. They were given a pilot's coin, that represents the squadron they are on. Seems like they cannot be caught without this coin and have regular "coin-checks" where they are rewarded with a drink of their choice.
On to the equipment room where we were shown what the gear looked like and how it is worn. Very interesting! We then loaded on a bus where we were taken to a building where the boys were able to go in and actually fly in an F-16 flight simulator! They were able to stay on it for about 20 minutes or so. Marcus bombed a few ships, took a dive into the water, but somehow came out ok.
We then loaded on the bus again and went to the hangers where they service the F-16's. There they were able to walk around the plane, touch it and then actually able to sit, yes SIT in the cockpit and have their picture taken professionally. I have never seen so many smiles on kids faces before, especially Marcus.

Sitting in an F-16 cockpit! A dream come true.

The words say it all! "lets roll"

After "hangin' out" (hahaha) with the planes, we went back to the squadron's hang out and had some lunch. It was so nice to meet other people who have gone through similar circumstances. There were 2 other teens there with Marcus, one of which has a brain tumor as well. It was nice because Marcus was able to talk to someone who has similar interests, and been through so much stuff like him. They changed emails, so hopefully they can keep in touch.

After lunch we went out to the airfield where we were able to sit on bleachers and watch an air-show of an F-16. It really is amazing the things those pilots can do and handle physically. The pilot and aircrew of the show came over and talked to the boys and signed some pictures for them as well. They took pictures with them and were able to ask all kinds of questions. The press was there and the boys and parents interviewed with them.

This is how close we were to the plane taxiing!

We then went back to the Squadron where the boys were given a framed picture of the F-16 with signatures of the entire squadron on it and a hand-carved model of an F-16. When they were called up, they received their new "call sign" names. The pilots don't get their names until they earn their wings, so the trainers give them their names according to their personalities, last names, or something they did during training. A few kids names were: "Sun" Tanner (last name) "Side" Burns (last name). When they called Marcus up, he said.." we had the name "Rush" picked out for this pilot, but after seeing him with the press, we decided to call him Marcus "Hollywood" Russell. Wonder where he gets that from? It must run through the name!
He then was pinned with his wings and was given a plaque with a certificate printed on a full-size picture of him in the F-16! WOW... is all I can say!

"Hollywood" getting his wings.

It touches my heart that these brave men and women who risk their lives everyday for us, would do so much for my son and these other children. There really are some good people in the world. Thanks to Make-a-wish and other people who donate their time, these children will have some GREAT memories that will hopefully erase some of the bad ones they have.

Night at the VFW...

We had a wonderful time at the VFW, and the night was just great! They treated us like royalty! We started out the night meeting the Hummer at the Hill AFB museum, where Uncle Marty, Aaron and Marcus got to ride to Salt Lake in the loud, crammed, non-airconditioned Hummer. The word Marty used was "industrial". They took pictures and video of Marcus driving up and getting out. We all went in and met lots of wonderful people who do so much for others. They introduced Marcus and started giving him so many gifts and making him feel like "part of the military". He received both air-force and army "honorary" dog tags with his name on them, a veteran's flag, and a special "generals coin" that a high-ranked officer gave to him. She told him that is was given to her by someone (who was in the first infantry division and first ones into Bagdad) to give to someone she sees doing a good deed, being courageous, or brave. It was a really neat thing.

Changing again....

I knew this would be a long process, but we are now trying medicine #4 on Marcus. Tonight he will start a new medicine that is given for seizures and for aggressive behaviors. It has to be monitored by blood tests, that I am sure Marcus will NOT want to do. Just trying to get Marcus to do anything right now is painful because we know he isn't going to do it or out comes the bouts of anger and "tantrums". I have to coax him to take any kind of medicines, so I won't tell him about the blood tests until he is on this for a while and if it is working, maybe he will feel better about things! YEAH RIGHT! The Dr. did give a good point though, he said he doesn't act this way at school, only at home, so that means he is able to control it. So not sure what is going on in that head, but all I know is that I can't take it anymore. We just made an appointment for him to see a Therapist who has dealt with children with cancer.
I think all tensions are on the rise because Marcus's MRI is on tuesday next week. Things always seem to get bad before that. We call it PMS... Pre-MRI-Syndrome.
ON A GOOD NOTE... This saturday is Marcus's VFW party and the whole family is going! Even Uncle Marty who will be here. I was hoping that Marcus would be more excited about it, but he doesn't really seem THAT excited. BUT..... instead of a Black Hawk Helicopter, they were able to get Marcus and his Scout troop and Leaders on a KC-135/refuler! On may 14th, they will go up and be there while they refuel some A-10's!!!! I tell you, I have never seen so many MEN (leaders) get so excited in my life. It will be a GREAT TIME!!

Changing meds...

Well, the first medication Marcus was on, didn't work at all. All it did was make him tired which in turn made him grumpy! NOT GOOD. So yesterday he started the second option. He said it made him really tired, but he hasn't been sleeping much so I am wondering if it is both things. I am hoping that the meds will help him sleep as well.
In good news... I got a phone call from Make-A-Wish and they gave me a phone number of a woman who found out about Marcus and wanted to do something for him. She is a manager of a "Cantina" (yes, it is a bar!) but it is a military bar and a customer of hers works for MAW. When they found out that there was a kid that loves the military they decided they wanted to do something fun for him. They are having a birthday party for their "group" (can't remember the name of it, sorry) but they want to invite Marcus, John and I to it. They might be able to come pick us up in a military HUMVEE! They want to present Marcus with a Veterans flag and a Generals Coin, plus give him lots of other cool things. They are looking into getting him a chance to ride in a Black Hawk helicopter! This sounds go great and the woman and her co-workers are so excited to do something for him.
Now a dilemma, this will be 3 things that Marcus will be doing in the next months. The other boys, Aaron especially gets very jealous and I agree, it would be hard to watch your brother get to do all these things. So John and I are trying to think of something we can do that is special with Aaron. He is still rebelling and not wanting to do his homework. He doesn't do any homework, but aces the tests! So I know he needs some special attention. We are thinking that maybe we could take him to Salt Lake and spend the night, taking him out to do some fun stuff. Maybe a Bees' game (baseball) or maybe even a Jazz game. We are still working on it, so we will see what happens.
Uncle Marty (John's sisters husband) is coming out next week from Maryland. He has never been to Utah so he is excited to see the great outdoors here. Hopefully it will stop snowing by then! It will be fun to have him here and hang out with the boys.

Ok, latest picture!

Well, after running into Allison at Walmart, she mentioned that there wasn't a picture of myself on my blog, which never really donned on me. So Here I am. A rotten picture and yes, I have gained weight. This is clipped out of John's Family Picture that we took in Arizona back in November. I have lost a little weight since then, but I have not been able to find a picture other than this one. So, there you go. OH, and for those of you who don't know, next to me is John, my dear sweet husband of 17 years! Gosh, if anything this will get me motivated to loss some poudidge, if that is a word....lol. So while I was at Walmart I purchased a whole new pilates workout with all the fixen's. The weather is finally getting warm enough that I can probably start walking in the mornings or evenings. I really should blow this picture up and have it where I can look at it everday to motivate me!!
So there you go, Allison. Now that you already know what I look like, here I am... in my full glory.

A place of Peace...

I know I have posted a few times of the behavior problems that Marcus has been having, but there are no words to express my feelings of despair when he has a major explosion and hurts someone, verbally and especially physically. There are times where I have had to come between him and one of his brothers, and the thought has crossed my mind that I may have to jump in front of him and take a severe blow for one of them from a person who is not "Marcus". There have been many days where I go to bed sobbing, wondering if our family/marriage can survive this part of the trial. Even though the "MONSTER"...aka cancer (as Aunt LaRae calls it) isn't there, it feels like there is a different kind of one in Marcus trying to destroy our family.
On Easter, my Mom (thanks Mom) sent me a link to a website that has brought me so much comfort to me. I visit it daily to feel the love and strength I need to get through the day. I can't wait until these images are available for purchase so I can put them where I can see them all day. These photos are on display in the Visitors Center of the Arizona Temple in Mesa, Arizona. I hope I will be able to see the the display sometime soon. Here is the link.... if you can, go to the blog part and they have made a new clip of the photos which is beautiful.
http://www.reflectionsofchrist.org/

As far as Marcus goes, we finally were able to get him into a Psychiatrist and he started medication last night and so far so good. Day #1 is down, keeping fingers crossed that this works for him.